I originally posted this on June 27, 2008 for Christy. She was awaiting knee replacement surgery and it had been postponed. I was in hopes that it would help her through her disappointment. Today I post it for myself............
"God is doing a greater work in us, and that can only come as we learn to trust him no matter how dark the days and sleepless the nights. And it is only as we have been through the darkness with him that what we know with our heads slides down into our hearts, and our hearts no longer demand answers. The Why? becomes unimportant when we believe that God can and will redeem the pain for our good and his glory.... When I put the sovereignty of God beside his unfailing love, my heart can rest."
Verdell Davis
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
Josh
Josh is dating again and I’m okay with it. Now it sucks on many levels, but for Josh I’m happy. I wish that Christy could still be here, making this post unnecessary, but she’s not and nothing we say or do will change that. Josh is a young man and his life must go on. I get that, I hope you do too.
What Josh does, or doesn’t do, from this point forward will never change what he did for Christy. Here is a list of some of the reasons why I could never be angry with Josh for moving on.
- He loved my girl! Fully and completely.
- He did everything in his power to be a good husband to her, and he was.
- He never once expected less from her – and if you knew Christy then you know this was important to her.
- He never once complained about her.
- He cared for her physical needs as well, or maybe better, than I did.
- He always wanted the very best for her.
- Whatever she dreamed of, he told her was possible.
- He brought her more joy and happiness than anyone else could.
- He made her biggest dream in life, to be a wife, come true.
- He went to doctors appointments with her and asked the questions that she was afraid to ask.
- The answers to those questions never scared him away.
- When she hurt, he hurt.
- When she cried, he cried.
- When she was in the hospital with no knowledge of anything, he sat at her bedside and loved her all the more.
- He was her man and she LOVED him, making me love him too.
- He loved my girl! Fully and completely.
Josh, I wish you the very best life offers. I pray that God gives you a future that is happy and full of love. You deserve it. Thank you so much for making my sweet girl so happy.
I love you!
Momma J
What Josh does, or doesn’t do, from this point forward will never change what he did for Christy. Here is a list of some of the reasons why I could never be angry with Josh for moving on.
- He loved my girl! Fully and completely.
- He did everything in his power to be a good husband to her, and he was.
- He never once expected less from her – and if you knew Christy then you know this was important to her.
- He never once complained about her.
- He cared for her physical needs as well, or maybe better, than I did.
- He always wanted the very best for her.
- Whatever she dreamed of, he told her was possible.
- He brought her more joy and happiness than anyone else could.
- He made her biggest dream in life, to be a wife, come true.
- He went to doctors appointments with her and asked the questions that she was afraid to ask.
- The answers to those questions never scared him away.
- When she hurt, he hurt.
- When she cried, he cried.
- When she was in the hospital with no knowledge of anything, he sat at her bedside and loved her all the more.
- He was her man and she LOVED him, making me love him too.
- He loved my girl! Fully and completely.
Josh, I wish you the very best life offers. I pray that God gives you a future that is happy and full of love. You deserve it. Thank you so much for making my sweet girl so happy.
I love you!
Momma J
Thursday, April 9, 2009
For Lori
My dearest friend. I love you so much, and the fact that you loved my girl just makes me love you more.
April 15th is one of the most special days of the year for me. On that date in 1980 I received one of the sweetest gifts I’ve ever been given, my precious Christy. Celebrating will be hard this year since she will not be here with us. But the day will be just as meaningful to me this year as it has been for the previous 29. I WILL celebrate her birth.
You shared this date with Christy in a way that the rest of us couldn’t. I know that in many ways it was probably great fun to share your birthday with a friend, but now your birthday has a scar - one that will always be there. For this, my friend, I am so very sorry. I wish there was something I could do to make it better for you, for all of us. But as you know, there is not.
I’m sure you will spend much of your birthday thinking about Christy. But when you do, remember all the birthdays the two of you spent together, try to focus on the good times. And join me as I celebrate a life that was more beautiful than any other I’ve known.
I love you Lori! Please pray for me as I pray for you.
Your sister,
Julie
April 15th is one of the most special days of the year for me. On that date in 1980 I received one of the sweetest gifts I’ve ever been given, my precious Christy. Celebrating will be hard this year since she will not be here with us. But the day will be just as meaningful to me this year as it has been for the previous 29. I WILL celebrate her birth.
You shared this date with Christy in a way that the rest of us couldn’t. I know that in many ways it was probably great fun to share your birthday with a friend, but now your birthday has a scar - one that will always be there. For this, my friend, I am so very sorry. I wish there was something I could do to make it better for you, for all of us. But as you know, there is not.
I’m sure you will spend much of your birthday thinking about Christy. But when you do, remember all the birthdays the two of you spent together, try to focus on the good times. And join me as I celebrate a life that was more beautiful than any other I’ve known.
I love you Lori! Please pray for me as I pray for you.
Your sister,
Julie
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Dreams
Chris thinks it’s so funny that I can remember dreams with much detail. I’ve always been one to have lots of dreams and to remember them. Now, I’m not at all sure that I remember all of my dreams but I can usually recall at least one dream from the previous night.
When I was a teenager I remember having the same dream every night. In my dream I was a toddler sitting at the top of a staircase in a rocking chair and as most toddlers will do while in a rocker, I was rocking. I got too close to the edge of the steps and tumbled down, chair and all. Finally, after years of this same dream, I told my mother about it. She looked at me and said, “That really happened when you were about two.” Huh, imagine that. I've never had that dream again.
I’ve known people to dream of deceased loved ones telling them they are in a beautiful place and they’re very happy. Telling them not to worry, they feel complete and wonderful. The hair on my arms stands straight up when I hear these stories. My dream was a bit different………
Chris, Josh, Kyle and I were in this room, no clue where – it’s a dream, they don’t always make sense. Christy came in, now we knew instantly that it was Christy but it didn’t look anything like her. She was wearing this incredibly elaborate outfit, kinda like something Padme’ (Natalie Portman) wore in the Star Wars movies when she was dressed in her queen gear. Someone else was with her; we didn’t know who this person was. Whoever it was wasn’t in human form, more of a spirit. Christy didn’t tell us she was happy but we could feel her happiness. It was overwhelming. We were so excited for her we didn’t even have words to describe it. My body felt a joy it has never felt before and I knew that everyone else felt it too. I asked Christy if her Moffie’s (grandmothers) were there with her and she said yes. Then I asked about her papaw and papa and she looked at me a little strangely and said no. (Which totally makes sense, they are both still living.) Then I asked about someone from our past, who I won’t name here but who is deceased, and she sadly said no. Then she was gone. Kyle and I (Chris and Josh had just disappeared) were jumping up and down with excitement. Kyle couldn’t stop talking about how wonderful he felt and how happy Christy was. We were both overjoyed. Then I woke up. My body was still feeling that overwhelming feeling, a complete joy that I have never felt before.
My only explanation is that this dream was a gift from God and I praise Him and thank Him for it.
Missing my girl, but rejoicing in the knowledge that she’s joyously complete,
Julie
When I was a teenager I remember having the same dream every night. In my dream I was a toddler sitting at the top of a staircase in a rocking chair and as most toddlers will do while in a rocker, I was rocking. I got too close to the edge of the steps and tumbled down, chair and all. Finally, after years of this same dream, I told my mother about it. She looked at me and said, “That really happened when you were about two.” Huh, imagine that. I've never had that dream again.
I’ve known people to dream of deceased loved ones telling them they are in a beautiful place and they’re very happy. Telling them not to worry, they feel complete and wonderful. The hair on my arms stands straight up when I hear these stories. My dream was a bit different………
Chris, Josh, Kyle and I were in this room, no clue where – it’s a dream, they don’t always make sense. Christy came in, now we knew instantly that it was Christy but it didn’t look anything like her. She was wearing this incredibly elaborate outfit, kinda like something Padme’ (Natalie Portman) wore in the Star Wars movies when she was dressed in her queen gear. Someone else was with her; we didn’t know who this person was. Whoever it was wasn’t in human form, more of a spirit. Christy didn’t tell us she was happy but we could feel her happiness. It was overwhelming. We were so excited for her we didn’t even have words to describe it. My body felt a joy it has never felt before and I knew that everyone else felt it too. I asked Christy if her Moffie’s (grandmothers) were there with her and she said yes. Then I asked about her papaw and papa and she looked at me a little strangely and said no. (Which totally makes sense, they are both still living.) Then I asked about someone from our past, who I won’t name here but who is deceased, and she sadly said no. Then she was gone. Kyle and I (Chris and Josh had just disappeared) were jumping up and down with excitement. Kyle couldn’t stop talking about how wonderful he felt and how happy Christy was. We were both overjoyed. Then I woke up. My body was still feeling that overwhelming feeling, a complete joy that I have never felt before.
My only explanation is that this dream was a gift from God and I praise Him and thank Him for it.
Missing my girl, but rejoicing in the knowledge that she’s joyously complete,
Julie
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