Dear Friends and Family,
It’s hard to imagine that the Christmas season is already here! It seems like it’s only been a couple of months since we packed up last Christmas. However, it’s here and it’s time once again to think about Christy’s Stocking! It’s both exciting and difficult for us to think that this will be our third annual stocking delivery. Even more difficult is the thought that we will be celebrating another Christmas without Christy. Our hearts are not healed but we will celebrate again this year with love and joy.
Once again we are asking for your help to fill Christy’s Stocking with goodies for families who are suffering and in need. Each year we have delivered an overflowing stocking to Children’s Hospital and we hope to be able to do the same again this year. Your donations of gift cards, children’s books and DVD’s will be used to bring smiles to the faces of children who are not only needy, but facing the holiday in the hospital. Your gift will help put a smile on the face of a child who desperately needs something to smile about.
As in past years, we are seeking gift cards from restaurants (fast food or sit-down), gas stations, Wal-Mart, Kmart, Kroger, Meijer, etc. Also children’s books and appropriate DVD’s for children. Please remember when making your selections that the hospital has children of all ages, from infants to teenagers.
Many of you have asked about filling in the “To” & “From” information on the gift cards. If you wish to do this we have always written on each card – “To: Someone Very Special” - “From: Christy’s Stocking”. We try to be sensitive and stay away from “In Memory Of” since many of the families who benefit from your donations have a child with a terminal illness.
In an effort to make things as easy as possible for the accounting staff at Children’s Hospital would you please include with your gift - your name, complete mailing address and the value of your donation so that the hospital can mail you a receipt, which you can use for income tax purposes. Please note that your donation conformation letter will be addressed to you from The University of Kentucky.
Donations can be mailed to:
Christy’s Stocking
c/o The Wells Family
104 Millhouse Drive
Nicholasville KY 40356
Please feel free to drop off your donation, or call and one of us will gladly pick it up from you. We will be delivering Christy’s Stocking to Children’s Hospital on December 20th, so we would appreciate receipt of your donations before that date.
Our hearts are overflowing with gratitude for each of you. Your willingness to come along side us in keeping Christy’s spirit alive brings us so much joy! Thank you for helping us honor the life that Christy lived so beautifully. Her love of children, especially those hurting, can continue through your efforts.
Merry Christmas,
Chris, Julie & Kyle
Josh & Kristen
Friday, November 26, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
A Place for You
Over the past couple of years I’ve been asked to write a few devotionals for booklets that have been printed for various women’s events at my church. I stumbled across one today and thought I would share it with you. I’m not sure when I wrote this but I think it must have been leading up to Easter.
A Place for You
“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.” John 14:1-4 (NIV)
In April of 1980 I was a young woman about to go through a life changing experience. After 39 hours of labor I gave birth to a 7 pound 6 ounce screaming bundle of joy. As most mothers know there were nights without sleep and days that seemed to last forever, and those were only the first couple of years. Christy grew into a typical teenager, full of excitement over a cute boy one minute and devastated by a bad hair day the next. She graduated from high school and moved out for college. Then she met her prince charming. They married and started their life together living in seminary housing. God called them to a small country church where Christy flourished, she always felt most comfortable when she was surrounded by ‘home folk.’ Life couldn’t have been much better as Chris and I were anxiously awaiting news of grandbabies to spoil. My only prayer was for the arthritis that had ravished Christy’s body to be miraculously and wondrously healed.
Then, on October 11, 2008 at 8:45pm, Christy left us for the place He had prepared for her. The place where she is miraculously and wondrously healed! The place where she will forever be joyful in the presence of her Lord. You see, Christy knew the Way. She knew him intimately and loved him fully. Our earthly lives have been forever changed by this tremendous loss, but we certainly have great hope. Our hearts will never cease crying for Christy’s earthly presence, but we can look forward to a future and the promise Jesus gave us. He was speaking to us as well as to his disciples in the 14th chapter of John. Our hearts must not be troubled for He has prepared a place for each of us who are called to be sons and daughters of God.
Father, I thank you so much for the gift of Christy and the 28 wonderful years you shared her with us. Thank you Jesus for going to prepare a place for us. For the promise of coming back for us so that we can live our eternity in your presence. Amen.
Hau’oli La Ho’omakika’I
Me ke Aloha,
Julie
A Place for You
“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.” John 14:1-4 (NIV)
In April of 1980 I was a young woman about to go through a life changing experience. After 39 hours of labor I gave birth to a 7 pound 6 ounce screaming bundle of joy. As most mothers know there were nights without sleep and days that seemed to last forever, and those were only the first couple of years. Christy grew into a typical teenager, full of excitement over a cute boy one minute and devastated by a bad hair day the next. She graduated from high school and moved out for college. Then she met her prince charming. They married and started their life together living in seminary housing. God called them to a small country church where Christy flourished, she always felt most comfortable when she was surrounded by ‘home folk.’ Life couldn’t have been much better as Chris and I were anxiously awaiting news of grandbabies to spoil. My only prayer was for the arthritis that had ravished Christy’s body to be miraculously and wondrously healed.
Then, on October 11, 2008 at 8:45pm, Christy left us for the place He had prepared for her. The place where she is miraculously and wondrously healed! The place where she will forever be joyful in the presence of her Lord. You see, Christy knew the Way. She knew him intimately and loved him fully. Our earthly lives have been forever changed by this tremendous loss, but we certainly have great hope. Our hearts will never cease crying for Christy’s earthly presence, but we can look forward to a future and the promise Jesus gave us. He was speaking to us as well as to his disciples in the 14th chapter of John. Our hearts must not be troubled for He has prepared a place for each of us who are called to be sons and daughters of God.
Father, I thank you so much for the gift of Christy and the 28 wonderful years you shared her with us. Thank you Jesus for going to prepare a place for us. For the promise of coming back for us so that we can live our eternity in your presence. Amen.
Hau’oli La Ho’omakika’I
Me ke Aloha,
Julie
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Resting in Ruth
I have recently finished doing an excellent Bible study by Kelly Minter. The Living Room Series Ruth - loss, love & legacy. If you have ever loved someone, I highly recommend this study for you.
I have done many Beth Moore studies, I just love her ability to make God’s Word come to life, but I have to say - this study of Ruth has been the best Bible study I’ve ever done. Perhaps it’s because it’s the one I’ve most needed. I will tell you this as a word of warning – when I did day two of session four I cried through the ENTIRE lesson and for two hours afterward. As a matter of fact, I cried myself to sleep. It was simply gut-wrenching.
I didn’t stumble on Ruth by accident, God guided me straight to her. Ruth has always been my favorite book of the Bible. Who doesn’t enjoy a good love story? And to me that’s always what Ruth was, a love story. Oh, it is still an amazing love story but it’s also a story of love that grows from the roots of great pain and heartache. It’s funny how you can just skim over pain and heartache until you’ve lived it, then you can never skim over it again.
I don’t even remember who asked me one day a few months back, what my favorite book of the Bible is. Of course, I immediately said Ruth. Then maybe a week or so later I found out that Jennifer was doing a study on the book of Ruth. I remember thinking then how much I loved Ruth. Then there seemed to be more chatter about Ruth, I think Lori mentioned Jennifer’s study. Then came the eye opener! The last Thursday of each month I attend a grief gathering for mothers who have lost children. On this particular night we had a speaker who is a grief counselor and who has also lost a two year old granddaughter. She spoke in a way that made me feel like she was looking at my brain and reading my thoughts to the room!!!! One of the last things she did was read some scripture from the book of Ruth. She closed her Bible, placed her arms on it and said, “Ladies, may I suggest that you rest for a long while in the book of Ruth?” She went on to tell how God had brought so much healing to her from Ruth. I knew then that God had been trying to tell me for several weeks that he wanted me to “rest for a long while” with His beloved Ruth. So the next morning I sent Jennifer a text asking what study she was doing. She told me all about the Kelly Minter study and how much she was enjoying it. I got online and ordered it that day. I called Lori, asked if she was interested in doing the study with me. She was, so we embarked on Ruth.
I’m not sure how much you know about Ruth so forgive me if I share things you already know. The book is titled Ruth, but it’s also the story of Naomi, Ruth’s mother-in-law. In the beginning of the book Naomi is married with two sons. Famine drives them from their homeland of Bethlehem to Moab where Naomi’s husband dies. Now think about that for just one minute, you’ve left behind everything and everyone you know, gone to a foreign land, and your husband dies. The one person you depend on the most for your own wellbeing dies. That’s harsh!
Sometime afterward Naomi’s two sons marry and two daughters-in-law join the family. Then not one, but both of Naomi’s sons die. Friends, my heart can’t even stand to think about that. How does a person survive that? These were her ONLY children! First she loses her husband and then BOTH of her children! Really?
So Naomi decides it’s time to go home, back to her homeland where the famine has ended. She heads out on the road and both the daughters-in-law follow. Naomi gives her best argument to make them turn back and Orpah does, but not Ruth. Ruth loves Naomi and will not leave her. One of the most quoted scriptures comes from this part of Ruth when Ruth says to Naomi, “Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me."
Those are some pretty powerful words for a daughter-in-law to say to her mother-in-law, don’t you think? I think it shows the depth of Ruth’s love for Naomi. Ruth’s husband was dead and the one person who loved her man the most, other than her, was his mother. There is comfort in that, in being with people who love the person you’ve lost as much as you do. Not long after Christy’s funeral Josh went home to Texas. I tried to encourage him in that, mostly I tried not to discourage him from moving back there. I wanted what was best for him but he was drawn back here, back to the place where Christy’s family was. If Ruth had remained in Moab where Naomi tried to persuade her to stay with her own family, she would have missed out on so many blessings. If Josh had moved back to Texas, where his family is, he might have missed a huge blessing too.
When Ruth and Naomi arrived at Bethlehem the townswomen were so excited and asked, “Could this be Naomi?” To which Naomi replied, “Don’t call me Naomi. Call me Mara because the Almighty has made my life very bitter. I went away full, but the LORD has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi? The LORD has afflicted me; the Almighty has brought misfortune upon me.”
This is one of the places where I needed to ‘rest.’ It’s not hard for me to understand how Naomi felt. Call me Mara, too! And guess what people? It’s okay to feel that way. Our God included it in his word so that we (I) would know that we’re not necessarily hell bound for feeling bitter! Now of course we can’t stay in that place, but it’s okay to be there for a while. Thank you, God, for including Naomi’s bitterness in your word! Honestly, I can’t help but feel like He included this whole book just for me.
After their return to Bethlehem and much about fields, gleaning, threshing floors and kinsman redeemers, Naomi urges Ruth to remarry. Ruth does, she marries her kinsman redeemer, Boaz, and Ruth and Boaz have a son named Obed. The book of Ruth ends with joy and happiness returned by the birth of this baby.
Josh, like Ruth, has found happiness again. Now, I’m not like Naomi in that my next meal did not depend on him finding a new wife. However, I do want him to be happy and I very much want him and Kristen to continue to be an intimate part of our family. I know that may be hard for some of you to understand. Honestly, sometimes it’s even hard for me to understand. That’s why I’m so very glad that God gave me the book of Ruth. It’s all there, every bit of it. And here’s just how beautifully our God works – He directed Kristen to the same study of Ruth at the same time he directed me there. We were doing the Kelly Minter study at the same time. Learning together (though not in the same study group) what God has for us. Now, I don’t know exactly what my relationship with Kirsten is supposed to look like. What I do know is that I love her, she makes that part very easy. She’s a daughter without her mother and I’m a mother without her daughter. Neither of us is looking to replace what’s been removed from us, ever. What we are looking to do is to make our way in this new place we’ve found ourselves in and to bring glory to our God as we do. Please pray for us as we continue to walk this bittersweet journey.
I have hope. It’s so hard to voice that. It feels like a betrayal of Christy. I don’t understand how, after the loss of one of my children, I could be full of hope, but I am. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life being called Mara. I don’t want to shut God out and miss His blessings. I want to embrace every blessing He offers, live in those blessings the way I am still able to live in the blessing of Christy. She would never want me to be in such deep mourning that I might miss one of His blessings. She loves me too much for that, I love her too much for that. That little 90 pound spitfire had more hope and strength than anyone I’ve ever known. It's her legacy of those qualities that keep me ever hopeful and fill me with strength.
I have done many Beth Moore studies, I just love her ability to make God’s Word come to life, but I have to say - this study of Ruth has been the best Bible study I’ve ever done. Perhaps it’s because it’s the one I’ve most needed. I will tell you this as a word of warning – when I did day two of session four I cried through the ENTIRE lesson and for two hours afterward. As a matter of fact, I cried myself to sleep. It was simply gut-wrenching.
I didn’t stumble on Ruth by accident, God guided me straight to her. Ruth has always been my favorite book of the Bible. Who doesn’t enjoy a good love story? And to me that’s always what Ruth was, a love story. Oh, it is still an amazing love story but it’s also a story of love that grows from the roots of great pain and heartache. It’s funny how you can just skim over pain and heartache until you’ve lived it, then you can never skim over it again.
I don’t even remember who asked me one day a few months back, what my favorite book of the Bible is. Of course, I immediately said Ruth. Then maybe a week or so later I found out that Jennifer was doing a study on the book of Ruth. I remember thinking then how much I loved Ruth. Then there seemed to be more chatter about Ruth, I think Lori mentioned Jennifer’s study. Then came the eye opener! The last Thursday of each month I attend a grief gathering for mothers who have lost children. On this particular night we had a speaker who is a grief counselor and who has also lost a two year old granddaughter. She spoke in a way that made me feel like she was looking at my brain and reading my thoughts to the room!!!! One of the last things she did was read some scripture from the book of Ruth. She closed her Bible, placed her arms on it and said, “Ladies, may I suggest that you rest for a long while in the book of Ruth?” She went on to tell how God had brought so much healing to her from Ruth. I knew then that God had been trying to tell me for several weeks that he wanted me to “rest for a long while” with His beloved Ruth. So the next morning I sent Jennifer a text asking what study she was doing. She told me all about the Kelly Minter study and how much she was enjoying it. I got online and ordered it that day. I called Lori, asked if she was interested in doing the study with me. She was, so we embarked on Ruth.
I’m not sure how much you know about Ruth so forgive me if I share things you already know. The book is titled Ruth, but it’s also the story of Naomi, Ruth’s mother-in-law. In the beginning of the book Naomi is married with two sons. Famine drives them from their homeland of Bethlehem to Moab where Naomi’s husband dies. Now think about that for just one minute, you’ve left behind everything and everyone you know, gone to a foreign land, and your husband dies. The one person you depend on the most for your own wellbeing dies. That’s harsh!
Sometime afterward Naomi’s two sons marry and two daughters-in-law join the family. Then not one, but both of Naomi’s sons die. Friends, my heart can’t even stand to think about that. How does a person survive that? These were her ONLY children! First she loses her husband and then BOTH of her children! Really?
So Naomi decides it’s time to go home, back to her homeland where the famine has ended. She heads out on the road and both the daughters-in-law follow. Naomi gives her best argument to make them turn back and Orpah does, but not Ruth. Ruth loves Naomi and will not leave her. One of the most quoted scriptures comes from this part of Ruth when Ruth says to Naomi, “Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me."
Those are some pretty powerful words for a daughter-in-law to say to her mother-in-law, don’t you think? I think it shows the depth of Ruth’s love for Naomi. Ruth’s husband was dead and the one person who loved her man the most, other than her, was his mother. There is comfort in that, in being with people who love the person you’ve lost as much as you do. Not long after Christy’s funeral Josh went home to Texas. I tried to encourage him in that, mostly I tried not to discourage him from moving back there. I wanted what was best for him but he was drawn back here, back to the place where Christy’s family was. If Ruth had remained in Moab where Naomi tried to persuade her to stay with her own family, she would have missed out on so many blessings. If Josh had moved back to Texas, where his family is, he might have missed a huge blessing too.
When Ruth and Naomi arrived at Bethlehem the townswomen were so excited and asked, “Could this be Naomi?” To which Naomi replied, “Don’t call me Naomi. Call me Mara because the Almighty has made my life very bitter. I went away full, but the LORD has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi? The LORD has afflicted me; the Almighty has brought misfortune upon me.”
This is one of the places where I needed to ‘rest.’ It’s not hard for me to understand how Naomi felt. Call me Mara, too! And guess what people? It’s okay to feel that way. Our God included it in his word so that we (I) would know that we’re not necessarily hell bound for feeling bitter! Now of course we can’t stay in that place, but it’s okay to be there for a while. Thank you, God, for including Naomi’s bitterness in your word! Honestly, I can’t help but feel like He included this whole book just for me.
After their return to Bethlehem and much about fields, gleaning, threshing floors and kinsman redeemers, Naomi urges Ruth to remarry. Ruth does, she marries her kinsman redeemer, Boaz, and Ruth and Boaz have a son named Obed. The book of Ruth ends with joy and happiness returned by the birth of this baby.
Josh, like Ruth, has found happiness again. Now, I’m not like Naomi in that my next meal did not depend on him finding a new wife. However, I do want him to be happy and I very much want him and Kristen to continue to be an intimate part of our family. I know that may be hard for some of you to understand. Honestly, sometimes it’s even hard for me to understand. That’s why I’m so very glad that God gave me the book of Ruth. It’s all there, every bit of it. And here’s just how beautifully our God works – He directed Kristen to the same study of Ruth at the same time he directed me there. We were doing the Kelly Minter study at the same time. Learning together (though not in the same study group) what God has for us. Now, I don’t know exactly what my relationship with Kirsten is supposed to look like. What I do know is that I love her, she makes that part very easy. She’s a daughter without her mother and I’m a mother without her daughter. Neither of us is looking to replace what’s been removed from us, ever. What we are looking to do is to make our way in this new place we’ve found ourselves in and to bring glory to our God as we do. Please pray for us as we continue to walk this bittersweet journey.
I have hope. It’s so hard to voice that. It feels like a betrayal of Christy. I don’t understand how, after the loss of one of my children, I could be full of hope, but I am. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life being called Mara. I don’t want to shut God out and miss His blessings. I want to embrace every blessing He offers, live in those blessings the way I am still able to live in the blessing of Christy. She would never want me to be in such deep mourning that I might miss one of His blessings. She loves me too much for that, I love her too much for that. That little 90 pound spitfire had more hope and strength than anyone I’ve ever known. It's her legacy of those qualities that keep me ever hopeful and fill me with strength.
In remembrance of my sweet girl................
Love to all,
me
Monday, October 11, 2010
October 11, 2010
Two years. Today I remember.......................
http://s1108.photobucket.com/albums/h401/jwells1961/Christy/?albumview=slideshow
I couldn't get this to load the way I wanted it to but you can view the slideshow by clicking the link.
http://s1108.photobucket.com/albums/h401/jwells1961/Christy/?albumview=slideshow
I couldn't get this to load the way I wanted it to but you can view the slideshow by clicking the link.
Monday, September 20, 2010
My Birthday
Sunday was my birthday. I had to spend the day pretending that it wasn’t. It made getting through the quiet times, and church, easier. Sunday night was the ordination service for a friend of ours, Philip Jones. Philip will graduate from Southern in December along with Josh. I was so happy to be at Philip’s ordination service, he and Stacy are such a sweet, God loving couple. I know that Philip will make an excellent pastor and some church somewhere is going to be very blessed to have him. The service was bittersweet for me though. My heart cried through the entire service. The last time I was at this type of ordination service it was for Josh, and Christy sat by his side that night just as Stacy was at Philip’s side last night.
To celebrate my birthday on Saturday afternoon Chris, Kyle and I went to a movie, The Town. It was good but you know, I hate it when movies make you root for the bad guy. Why do they do that? I don’t want to root for the bad guy. But I’ll tell you, it’s not hard when the bad guy is Ben Affleck.
After the movie we met the gang at Cheddar’s and I had a really nice birthday dinner. Which brings me to one of the highlights of my birthday – After the food arrived someone said, “Who wants to pray?” Both of Katy’s little arms went straight up in the air and she said, “OH, I DO!” (FYI- Katy is all of 3 years old.) You know, with kids you never know. Sometimes they want to pray and sometimes you can’t squeeze a prayer out of them for anything. But Katy seemed ready, able and certainly willing. Now, before I tell you the prayer there are two things you must know. Number one, Lori and Jim promise she wasn’t coaxed. They assure me she did this all on her own. And number two, and the most important, Katy LOVES her some Chris!!!!!! I swear that girl could knock an elephant over if she saw Chris standing on the other side of it. She blows right past me ALL OF THE TIME to get to her bestest friend. If it wasn’t so darn cute I might be a tad offended. The way she disses me is so obvious that even Brynn feels sorry for me and has told me that she would be my best friend. :) But on Saturday night Katy made my day with her sweet little prayer for me…….. “Dear Jesus, Thank you for this wonderful day. For Aunt Julie’s birthday. For cheesecake and for letting us come out for dinner. Amen!” Now, isn’t that just the sweetest thing EVER?!!!!
Dinner was followed by…….. Lori’s famous cheesecake! It was yummy, of course. I got lots of nice Thirty One stuff (purse, wallet, zipper pouch, key fob) from Chris and from Lori and Jim. And from my kids (Kyle, Josh and Kristen) I got a FIRE PIT!!!! I’m so excited. I’ve wanted a fire pit forever!!!!! I can not wait until the evenings get cooler and we can roast some marshmallows!!!
Thanks to everyone who helped to make my birthday special. That’s not an easy job these days but you guys are great and I love you all so much!!!!!!!!!
BTW – please don’t forget that we’ll all be ignoring my birthday next year!!!!!!
Blessed,
Julie
To celebrate my birthday on Saturday afternoon Chris, Kyle and I went to a movie, The Town. It was good but you know, I hate it when movies make you root for the bad guy. Why do they do that? I don’t want to root for the bad guy. But I’ll tell you, it’s not hard when the bad guy is Ben Affleck.
After the movie we met the gang at Cheddar’s and I had a really nice birthday dinner. Which brings me to one of the highlights of my birthday – After the food arrived someone said, “Who wants to pray?” Both of Katy’s little arms went straight up in the air and she said, “OH, I DO!” (FYI- Katy is all of 3 years old.) You know, with kids you never know. Sometimes they want to pray and sometimes you can’t squeeze a prayer out of them for anything. But Katy seemed ready, able and certainly willing. Now, before I tell you the prayer there are two things you must know. Number one, Lori and Jim promise she wasn’t coaxed. They assure me she did this all on her own. And number two, and the most important, Katy LOVES her some Chris!!!!!! I swear that girl could knock an elephant over if she saw Chris standing on the other side of it. She blows right past me ALL OF THE TIME to get to her bestest friend. If it wasn’t so darn cute I might be a tad offended. The way she disses me is so obvious that even Brynn feels sorry for me and has told me that she would be my best friend. :) But on Saturday night Katy made my day with her sweet little prayer for me…….. “Dear Jesus, Thank you for this wonderful day. For Aunt Julie’s birthday. For cheesecake and for letting us come out for dinner. Amen!” Now, isn’t that just the sweetest thing EVER?!!!!
Dinner was followed by…….. Lori’s famous cheesecake! It was yummy, of course. I got lots of nice Thirty One stuff (purse, wallet, zipper pouch, key fob) from Chris and from Lori and Jim. And from my kids (Kyle, Josh and Kristen) I got a FIRE PIT!!!! I’m so excited. I’ve wanted a fire pit forever!!!!! I can not wait until the evenings get cooler and we can roast some marshmallows!!!
Thanks to everyone who helped to make my birthday special. That’s not an easy job these days but you guys are great and I love you all so much!!!!!!!!!
BTW – please don’t forget that we’ll all be ignoring my birthday next year!!!!!!
Blessed,
Julie
Friday, August 27, 2010
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday, momma. My mom would have been 85 years old today. Since she died at 58 it's impossible for me to imagine what she would look like at 85. I look at pictures of my Granny to try and figure out the possiblities.
I love you momma and miss you every day.
Julie
I love you momma and miss you every day.
Julie
Love
This is set to animation, but it's a true and heartwarming story. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
http://www.wimp.com/coupleromance/
http://www.wimp.com/coupleromance/
Thursday, August 5, 2010
August 5th
I hate August 5th almost as much as I hate October 11th. It was two years ago today that our worst nightmare began. I was sitting at my desk, eating my lunch, when my phone rang. It was Josh. He was calling to tell me that Christy had had a seizure and was in the ER in Maysville, KY. She was at a meeting for her job, several people from the Cynthiana campus of MCTCS had traveled to Maysville that day for a meeting. I still have the e-mail she sent me that morning………
She and I always e-mailed back and forth during the work day, so she wanted me to know that I wouldn’t be hearing from her that day. She knew me too well, she knew that I would worry if I didn’t hear from her.
I left work as soon as I hung up with Josh and drove to Maysville. I can only remember traveling to Maysville once before in my life but I drove straight to the Hospital without a hitch. It poured rain on me the entire trip.
When I got there Christy seemed to be doing pretty well. She thought she had broken her knee during the seizure (which of course we found out later she had) but was otherwise okay. The doctor’s there couldn’t seem to find a reason for her seizure so they wanted to transport her to Lexington, where her records and her doctors were. We were all more than fine with that. Finally they loaded her (and me) into an ambulance and drove us to Lexington.
I went home later that evening. I wish I had stayed there soaking up every second of her life. Why didn’t I stay?
Of course many days later we took her home and thought she was well on her way to complete recovery. She was, just not the recovery we prayed so desperately for.
I’m still in pain - just reading that simple little e-mail from her has made me crumble into tears. I have no idea when, or if, this will ever get any easier to deal with. Please continue to pray for me as I continue to walk this terrible road.
Missing my girl even more with every passing day,
Julie
P.S. Also, would you please pray for my cousin’s daughter, Emily? Emily and her husband Gerald were ecstatic to discover that after 5 long years of trying to conceive they were expecting. Then, this past weekend and well into the ‘safety zone’ of her second trimester, they had to say good-bye to their sweet baby girl Delaney. Please keep this beautiful young couple in your prayers, they are completely heartbroken.
I won't be around today. Fall Faculty/Staff meeting in Maysville. I'm not feeling very well either. Threw up in the middle of dinner last night...at the Mexican restaurant. Please pray I don't have any such further humiliating situations today...
Call you later. Have a good day!
Love,
me
She and I always e-mailed back and forth during the work day, so she wanted me to know that I wouldn’t be hearing from her that day. She knew me too well, she knew that I would worry if I didn’t hear from her.
I left work as soon as I hung up with Josh and drove to Maysville. I can only remember traveling to Maysville once before in my life but I drove straight to the Hospital without a hitch. It poured rain on me the entire trip.
When I got there Christy seemed to be doing pretty well. She thought she had broken her knee during the seizure (which of course we found out later she had) but was otherwise okay. The doctor’s there couldn’t seem to find a reason for her seizure so they wanted to transport her to Lexington, where her records and her doctors were. We were all more than fine with that. Finally they loaded her (and me) into an ambulance and drove us to Lexington.
I went home later that evening. I wish I had stayed there soaking up every second of her life. Why didn’t I stay?
Of course many days later we took her home and thought she was well on her way to complete recovery. She was, just not the recovery we prayed so desperately for.
I’m still in pain - just reading that simple little e-mail from her has made me crumble into tears. I have no idea when, or if, this will ever get any easier to deal with. Please continue to pray for me as I continue to walk this terrible road.
Missing my girl even more with every passing day,
Julie
P.S. Also, would you please pray for my cousin’s daughter, Emily? Emily and her husband Gerald were ecstatic to discover that after 5 long years of trying to conceive they were expecting. Then, this past weekend and well into the ‘safety zone’ of her second trimester, they had to say good-bye to their sweet baby girl Delaney. Please keep this beautiful young couple in your prayers, they are completely heartbroken.
Monday, June 14, 2010
100 Things
Okay, so I’ve been challenged to come up with 100 things that make me happy. At first I thought it would take me forever. I was surprised at how quickly I could pop off 100 things. So, I thought I would share them with you.
1. Having my family together.
2. UFC fight nights at my house.
3. Going to the movies with Chris.
4. Making the Barkley girls laugh.
5. Jack.
6. Memories of Christy.
7. Having a quiet meal with Chris.
8. Remembering my granny’s sense of humor.
9. Iced tea.
10. Kittens.
11. Having a not so quiet meal with all my peeps.
12. Anonymous gift giving.
13. Spring mornings.
14. Surprise visits from Josh and Kristen.
15. The anticipation of our upcoming vacation to Hawaii.
16. Laughing with my friends.
17. Baby feet.
18. Driving to work when school is out.
19. Princesses on Ice with Brynn and Katy.
20. Walking when it’s cool outside.
21. Reminiscing with my nephews about when they were little.
22. Telling funny stories about when Kyle was young.
23. Hearing Katy say, “There’s Chris, my bestest friend!”
24. The male comedians in my Sunday school class.
25. Watching the kids sing at VBS.
26. Receiving the first donation to Christy’s stocking each year.
27. Little girls holding hands.
28. The ocean.
29. Sunday lunch at Ruthie and Jimmy’s.
30. Going to the pool.
31. Rainbows.
32. Delivering Christy’s stocking to Children’s Hospital.
33. Chris knowing what I’m thinking without me telling him.
34. Christmas Eve.
35. Grandmothers with grandbabies.
36. Sleepy kid voices.
37. Walking in tall cool grass with bare feet.
38. Chickens.
39. Christmas day pizza.
40. Post Secret.
41. Remembering my mom.
42. Watching my friend Traci with four boys all vying for her attention.
43. Facebook.
44. Snow.
45. Throwing Jack’s flippy flopper.
46. Christmas shopping.
47. Autumn.
48. The smell of candles burning.
49. Little girl giggles.
50. True friendship.
51. Long lunches.
52. Watching Jack trying to get Max to play with him.
53. Leaving work early on Friday afternoon.
54. Little House on the Prairie.
55. A hot tub in the mountains.
56. Sleeping babies.
57. Eating on a patio.
58. The zoo.
59. Driving in the country.
60. Thanksgiving.
61. Having the same thought, at the same time as Lori and knowing it without having to say a word.
62. Going to the hospital to visit a new baby.
63. Balloons.
64. Looking forward to being a Grammy.
65. Melanie saying, “sometimes I get a little confused.”
66. Big family reunions.
67. Watching children get off the school bus.
68. Mischievous little boy grins.
69. Tractors.
70. Thinking about the crazy uncles I grew up with.
71. Mexican food.
72. Watching stars at night.
73. Singing praise music.
74. Visiting with friends I haven’t seen in a long time.
75. Childhood memories of North Carolina.
76. Theological discussions with Josh.
77. Finding Kyle asleep with Max snuggled up next to him.
78. San Diego.
79. Nature.
80. Train rides.
81. Ballpark hotdogs.
82. My porch swing.
83. Cookouts.
84. Thinking about Kyle and Josh graduating in December.
85. Card shopping.
86. Remembering Christy’s funny sleep noises.
87. Drive-In theaters.
88. Driving Josh’s Mustang.
89. Remembering band trips.
90. Long hot showers.
91. Putt-putt golf.
92. A boisterous “good morning” when I’m feeling down.
93. Knowing a joyous secret.
94. Finding money in the pocket of a jacket when I wear for the first time of the season.
95. Hugs.
96. Rocking chairs.
97. Ducks.
98. Watching kids on a swing set.
99. Lazy days spent watching T.V.
100. Knowing that I’m a child of the King.
Still thinking happy thoughts,
Julie
1. Having my family together.
2. UFC fight nights at my house.
3. Going to the movies with Chris.
4. Making the Barkley girls laugh.
5. Jack.
6. Memories of Christy.
7. Having a quiet meal with Chris.
8. Remembering my granny’s sense of humor.
9. Iced tea.
10. Kittens.
11. Having a not so quiet meal with all my peeps.
12. Anonymous gift giving.
13. Spring mornings.
14. Surprise visits from Josh and Kristen.
15. The anticipation of our upcoming vacation to Hawaii.
16. Laughing with my friends.
17. Baby feet.
18. Driving to work when school is out.
19. Princesses on Ice with Brynn and Katy.
20. Walking when it’s cool outside.
21. Reminiscing with my nephews about when they were little.
22. Telling funny stories about when Kyle was young.
23. Hearing Katy say, “There’s Chris, my bestest friend!”
24. The male comedians in my Sunday school class.
25. Watching the kids sing at VBS.
26. Receiving the first donation to Christy’s stocking each year.
27. Little girls holding hands.
28. The ocean.
29. Sunday lunch at Ruthie and Jimmy’s.
30. Going to the pool.
31. Rainbows.
32. Delivering Christy’s stocking to Children’s Hospital.
33. Chris knowing what I’m thinking without me telling him.
34. Christmas Eve.
35. Grandmothers with grandbabies.
36. Sleepy kid voices.
37. Walking in tall cool grass with bare feet.
38. Chickens.
39. Christmas day pizza.
40. Post Secret.
41. Remembering my mom.
42. Watching my friend Traci with four boys all vying for her attention.
43. Facebook.
44. Snow.
45. Throwing Jack’s flippy flopper.
46. Christmas shopping.
47. Autumn.
48. The smell of candles burning.
49. Little girl giggles.
50. True friendship.
51. Long lunches.
52. Watching Jack trying to get Max to play with him.
53. Leaving work early on Friday afternoon.
54. Little House on the Prairie.
55. A hot tub in the mountains.
56. Sleeping babies.
57. Eating on a patio.
58. The zoo.
59. Driving in the country.
60. Thanksgiving.
61. Having the same thought, at the same time as Lori and knowing it without having to say a word.
62. Going to the hospital to visit a new baby.
63. Balloons.
64. Looking forward to being a Grammy.
65. Melanie saying, “sometimes I get a little confused.”
66. Big family reunions.
67. Watching children get off the school bus.
68. Mischievous little boy grins.
69. Tractors.
70. Thinking about the crazy uncles I grew up with.
71. Mexican food.
72. Watching stars at night.
73. Singing praise music.
74. Visiting with friends I haven’t seen in a long time.
75. Childhood memories of North Carolina.
76. Theological discussions with Josh.
77. Finding Kyle asleep with Max snuggled up next to him.
78. San Diego.
79. Nature.
80. Train rides.
81. Ballpark hotdogs.
82. My porch swing.
83. Cookouts.
84. Thinking about Kyle and Josh graduating in December.
85. Card shopping.
86. Remembering Christy’s funny sleep noises.
87. Drive-In theaters.
88. Driving Josh’s Mustang.
89. Remembering band trips.
90. Long hot showers.
91. Putt-putt golf.
92. A boisterous “good morning” when I’m feeling down.
93. Knowing a joyous secret.
94. Finding money in the pocket of a jacket when I wear for the first time of the season.
95. Hugs.
96. Rocking chairs.
97. Ducks.
98. Watching kids on a swing set.
99. Lazy days spent watching T.V.
100. Knowing that I’m a child of the King.
Still thinking happy thoughts,
Julie
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Yesterday
Yesterday was my hubs birthday, he turned 42. Yes, nearly 7 years younger than me – I know, it’s criminal. Chris gets his birthday off work every year so this year I decided to take off with him. We spent the day being mostly lazy but did manage to get his birthday shopping done.
We left around 11ish and headed up Nicholasville Road to Fayette Mall. When we got just past Catnip Hill Road, near the boot store, traffic came to a complete standstill. As we sat there waiting for cars to start moving, I couldn’t help but think about the young man who lost his life a few weeks ago just a few feet from where our car was sitting. For some reason that part of Nicholasville Road has claimed the lives of far too many. I was soon jilted back to reality when my impatient husband decided we should turn around and go Harrodsburg Road. So, I did a U turn and we turned onto Catnip Hill and drove over to Harrodsburg Road. We drove along normally until we reached Southland Christian Church, then traffic stopped again. This time we could see the holdup. Police officers had traffic stopped in all directions allowing cars to turn into the church for the funeral of Officer Bryan Durman. Officer Durman was the victim of a hit and run, killed in the line of duty. As we sat there, watching one police cruiser after another file into the parking lot of Southland, my mind went to the mother of the fallen officer. At a mere 27 years of age Officer Durman was a veteran of the armed services; he stood up for and served his country. After leaving the service he became a police officer, standing up for and even giving his life to serve his community. But before he was a man, deserving of the honor that was bestowed on him yesterday, he was a little boy. The baby boy of a mother who loves him. A mother who excitedly awaited his arrival, rather through birth or adoption. A mother who was up late nights for feedings. A mother who thought surely hers was the most beautiful baby ever born. A mother who threw her arms open to him when he fell and scrapped his knee. A mother who’s love could kiss away any boo-boo and make the world right again. A mother who worried about him when he got his driver’s license. A mother who prayed for her boy as he left his own country to fight its battle on foreign soil. A mother who watched the news every night, praying that she wouldn’t hear of an officer injured. A mother who’s worst nightmare came true. A mother who’s world will never, ever be right again. A mother whose heart I wish I didn’t understand.
Traffic finally started moving and we went on our way. We didn’t really talk much about what we had seen, I think Chris knew I couldn’t handle it. We went to the mall, did our shopping and headed home. Then I went to the cemetery. I planted tulip bulbs back in the fall and they bloomed beautifully this spring, but they were in need of attention and with all the rain I hadn’t had a chance to take care of them. Chris had a doctor’s appointment (nothing serious) so I went by myself. I worked for a while at my mom’s grave, then Christy’s. After I was finished there I went down to Mom & Pop’s graves (my dad’s parents). When I was finished there I stood up to walk down to Granny & Granddaddy’s grave when I saw a hearse coming up the drive of the cemetery, another funeral procession. The small pavilion where they do the “graveside” services is very near to Granny and Granddaddy’s graves so I couldn’t go down there to work, it would have been too disrespectful. So I just stood there at Mom and Pop’s graveside for the entire service. I watched as all of the cars drove around, parked and everyone got out. I stood there as they unloaded from the hearse the casket of someone I didn’t know. I looked at every face to see if I knew anyone, I did not. I watched as all the people in attendance gathered around the casket, I watched as they cried. I heard every word that was spoken, I cried for the loss of a life I never knew. I cried for the loss of my child, my sweet Christy. As I stood there I could see Main Street, cars zipping up and down as usual. I could turn my head to the right and see people in the park at Lake Mingo. Time was at a standstill for those gathered around the casket, but the rest of the world was still moving. How does that happen? How does the rest of the world continue when your world has suddenly and horribly come to an abrupt halt? Finally, the funeral was over and everyone began to leave. I went to work on my grandparents graves, when I finished I left. Then, life went back to normal for me too, as normal as it gets these days.
Julie
We left around 11ish and headed up Nicholasville Road to Fayette Mall. When we got just past Catnip Hill Road, near the boot store, traffic came to a complete standstill. As we sat there waiting for cars to start moving, I couldn’t help but think about the young man who lost his life a few weeks ago just a few feet from where our car was sitting. For some reason that part of Nicholasville Road has claimed the lives of far too many. I was soon jilted back to reality when my impatient husband decided we should turn around and go Harrodsburg Road. So, I did a U turn and we turned onto Catnip Hill and drove over to Harrodsburg Road. We drove along normally until we reached Southland Christian Church, then traffic stopped again. This time we could see the holdup. Police officers had traffic stopped in all directions allowing cars to turn into the church for the funeral of Officer Bryan Durman. Officer Durman was the victim of a hit and run, killed in the line of duty. As we sat there, watching one police cruiser after another file into the parking lot of Southland, my mind went to the mother of the fallen officer. At a mere 27 years of age Officer Durman was a veteran of the armed services; he stood up for and served his country. After leaving the service he became a police officer, standing up for and even giving his life to serve his community. But before he was a man, deserving of the honor that was bestowed on him yesterday, he was a little boy. The baby boy of a mother who loves him. A mother who excitedly awaited his arrival, rather through birth or adoption. A mother who was up late nights for feedings. A mother who thought surely hers was the most beautiful baby ever born. A mother who threw her arms open to him when he fell and scrapped his knee. A mother who’s love could kiss away any boo-boo and make the world right again. A mother who worried about him when he got his driver’s license. A mother who prayed for her boy as he left his own country to fight its battle on foreign soil. A mother who watched the news every night, praying that she wouldn’t hear of an officer injured. A mother who’s worst nightmare came true. A mother who’s world will never, ever be right again. A mother whose heart I wish I didn’t understand.
Traffic finally started moving and we went on our way. We didn’t really talk much about what we had seen, I think Chris knew I couldn’t handle it. We went to the mall, did our shopping and headed home. Then I went to the cemetery. I planted tulip bulbs back in the fall and they bloomed beautifully this spring, but they were in need of attention and with all the rain I hadn’t had a chance to take care of them. Chris had a doctor’s appointment (nothing serious) so I went by myself. I worked for a while at my mom’s grave, then Christy’s. After I was finished there I went down to Mom & Pop’s graves (my dad’s parents). When I was finished there I stood up to walk down to Granny & Granddaddy’s grave when I saw a hearse coming up the drive of the cemetery, another funeral procession. The small pavilion where they do the “graveside” services is very near to Granny and Granddaddy’s graves so I couldn’t go down there to work, it would have been too disrespectful. So I just stood there at Mom and Pop’s graveside for the entire service. I watched as all of the cars drove around, parked and everyone got out. I stood there as they unloaded from the hearse the casket of someone I didn’t know. I looked at every face to see if I knew anyone, I did not. I watched as all the people in attendance gathered around the casket, I watched as they cried. I heard every word that was spoken, I cried for the loss of a life I never knew. I cried for the loss of my child, my sweet Christy. As I stood there I could see Main Street, cars zipping up and down as usual. I could turn my head to the right and see people in the park at Lake Mingo. Time was at a standstill for those gathered around the casket, but the rest of the world was still moving. How does that happen? How does the rest of the world continue when your world has suddenly and horribly come to an abrupt halt? Finally, the funeral was over and everyone began to leave. I went to work on my grandparents graves, when I finished I left. Then, life went back to normal for me too, as normal as it gets these days.
Julie
Sunday, April 25, 2010
April 25, 1987
Today my baby boy is 23 years old. Where have the years gone? Surely it was only two years ago that he was flying around the house with his batman (or superman) cape pinned to the back of his shirt. Or hiding around the corner of my dad’s house taking off his big boy underwear and putting them on his head. (He liked them so much that he wanted everyone to see them.) What a sweet little boy he was! One of the best things about Kyle was his personality and the way he could make conversation. That little mouth of his never stopped, he talked constantly! Our house was always filled with the sound of his sweet voice asking a million questions. Or arguing with Christy about who would be Luigi on the newest Nintendo game, not that Christy ever wanted to be Luigi - she just wanted to hear him whine about it, which he did every time.
So, today as I reflect on the past 23 years of Kyle’s life I thought I would share some of the funniest/cutest things he said as a little boy…….
- “Don’t worry mommy, the Ninja Turtles will bring them back to you.” Said as we stared into a storm drain in Wal-Mart’s parking lot looking for the keys I had just dropped.
- “You a big weird, Mommy.” After I told him he was a little weird.
- “Mommy! Christy won’t let me be Wu-wigi!” I heard this EVERY day.
- “Scott shoost me with my baby gun!” Explaining to me how he had gotten a big knot on his head. He had actually fallen into the corner of a table while acting like he was dying from being shot by my 20 year old nephew with a small toy gun.
- “Don’t let her take me, Debbie! Don’t let her take me!” Said about me, through big ole crocodile tears, on the first day at his new daycare. He had run from inside the building all the way back out to the car and wrapped himself around Debbie’s neck. Debbie (my cousin) and I rode to work together every day, we both cried the rest of the way to work that day.
- “Awwwwwww mommmmieeeeee, Brandon said shit! I heard him, he said shit. Shit is what he said. He really did say shit, mommy. He said it, shit. I heard him say shit. I really did hear him say shit, mommy.” Me, “Okay Kyle, that’s enough.” Kyle, walking away and in a very small voice, “but he did say shit, shit is what I heard.” Tattling on my nephew for saying a bad word.
- My favorite by far, “I love you, mommy.” He said this at least 50 times a day. He was just the sweetest little boy ever.
Kyle, Everyday is an exciting new adventure with you. I’m so grateful that God gave me such an amazing, loving and compassionate son. Happy Birthday, I love you more than you know.
Mom
Sharing some fun memories..........
This is my favorite picture of Kyle. He was preteneding to be one of the New Kids on The Block.
The ultimate in Batman gear!
T-Ball days.
Always a showoff!
Looking good at Chrity's high school graduation.
Playing video games with Brandon, while Christy looks thrilled.
With Christy at the Old Spaghetti Factory in St. Louis.
Having a little too much sparkling cider with Chris and Jim at Wayne & Jennifer's wedding.
Playing video games with his bestie, Reuben.
With Papa (my dad) at his high school graduation.
All grown up with his mommy at Christy's wedding.
So, today as I reflect on the past 23 years of Kyle’s life I thought I would share some of the funniest/cutest things he said as a little boy…….
- “Don’t worry mommy, the Ninja Turtles will bring them back to you.” Said as we stared into a storm drain in Wal-Mart’s parking lot looking for the keys I had just dropped.
- “You a big weird, Mommy.” After I told him he was a little weird.
- “Mommy! Christy won’t let me be Wu-wigi!” I heard this EVERY day.
- “Scott shoost me with my baby gun!” Explaining to me how he had gotten a big knot on his head. He had actually fallen into the corner of a table while acting like he was dying from being shot by my 20 year old nephew with a small toy gun.
- “Don’t let her take me, Debbie! Don’t let her take me!” Said about me, through big ole crocodile tears, on the first day at his new daycare. He had run from inside the building all the way back out to the car and wrapped himself around Debbie’s neck. Debbie (my cousin) and I rode to work together every day, we both cried the rest of the way to work that day.
- “Awwwwwww mommmmieeeeee, Brandon said shit! I heard him, he said shit. Shit is what he said. He really did say shit, mommy. He said it, shit. I heard him say shit. I really did hear him say shit, mommy.” Me, “Okay Kyle, that’s enough.” Kyle, walking away and in a very small voice, “but he did say shit, shit is what I heard.” Tattling on my nephew for saying a bad word.
- My favorite by far, “I love you, mommy.” He said this at least 50 times a day. He was just the sweetest little boy ever.
Kyle, Everyday is an exciting new adventure with you. I’m so grateful that God gave me such an amazing, loving and compassionate son. Happy Birthday, I love you more than you know.
Mom
Sharing some fun memories..........
This is my favorite picture of Kyle. He was preteneding to be one of the New Kids on The Block.
The ultimate in Batman gear!
T-Ball days.
Always a showoff!
Looking good at Chrity's high school graduation.
Playing video games with Brandon, while Christy looks thrilled.
With Christy at the Old Spaghetti Factory in St. Louis.
Having a little too much sparkling cider with Chris and Jim at Wayne & Jennifer's wedding.
Playing video games with his bestie, Reuben.
With Papa (my dad) at his high school graduation.
All grown up with his mommy at Christy's wedding.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
April 15, 1980
Today is Christy’s 30th birthday. I sit here trying to type, but the words just won’t come. It’s not because there is no feeling, I’m consumed with every emotion you can imagine. I just can’t put any of it into words.
Today is Christy’s 30th birthday. A day that should be filled with joy, laughter and that huge infectious smile, all I can do is cry.
Happy Birthday my sweet. I love you so much it hurts.
Searching for strength,
Julie
Today is Christy’s 30th birthday. A day that should be filled with joy, laughter and that huge infectious smile, all I can do is cry.
Happy Birthday my sweet. I love you so much it hurts.
Searching for strength,
Julie
Friday, March 26, 2010
Dreams Really Do Come True!
And on March 27, 2004 my girls dream did come true..........
The beautiful bride.
Me and my girl.
Our family and papa(my dad).
Her beloved Moffie & Papaw.
This was one of her favorite pictures from the day.
The bride with her Prince Charming.
Remembering and loving my girl on her special day,
Julie
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Good-bye to my crutch.
Back in September of '08 after Christy had been in ICU and near death, my life was turned upside down, or so I thought at the time. I was having a very hard time coping with the demands of being at the hospital, being a mom to Kyle, being a wife, working full time, keeping a house running etc. Then once Christy was released from the hospital I added driving to Cynthiana constantly to the mix. I’m not complaining, I wouldn’t have had it any other way, I’m just saying… that stuff begins to wear you down. So, I went to the doctor and asked him to “prescribe” me something and so he did, Zoloft. In hindsight, I know that this was all the Lords way of taking care of me. It takes a little time for that stuff to get in your system and He knew that I would soon be in need of help in ways I could have never imagined.
By the time Christy passed away the Zoloft was fully in my system. So since that time I’ve been grieving through a veil of sorts. There’s been this thin coating over my emotions. Not that I didn’t feel pain, I certainly did, just not quite as raw as it could have been. So in October of '09 I decided that it was time for me to wean myself off the Zoloft. After all, it had been a year since Christy’s death, time to stand on my own two feet. I began the cutbacks and really took my time because I didn’t want to shock my emotions. I had been taking a full pill every day so the first cutback was to 1 pill every other day and ½ pill on the opposite days. Next cutback was to ½ pill every day, then ½ pill every other day, then nothing. Each cutback was hard, it would take me a few days of weeping to realize, ‘oh yeah, I’m cutting back on my meds.’ Then I would be overly emotional for a week or so and then I would level back out. I took my last pill at the end of February and since then I can’t seem to find my “level.” I’m a mess, all the time, just a mess.
But here’s the thing, I think I need to be. I really think that God has me at this place emotionally for such a time as this. Now, I have no understanding of why now and really I don’t even care about that. I just know that this is when and where I’m supposed to be right now. And frankly, the timing couldn’t be worse! So many emotions to deal with the next couple of weeks anyway, Saturday would have been Christy and Josh’s sixth wedding anniversary and her birthday is in three weeks. I have no clue how I’m going to survive emotionally. But I know that somehow He will get me through, this time it will just be without my crutch. I’m thankful He provided me a crutch for a time but now I only have Him, as it should be for this time.
He has also placed before me the prospect of a support group. There are a group of moms who have lost children that meet once a month at Nicholasville United Methodist. I can’t go this month but next month, two weeks after Christy’s 30th birthday, I plan to attend my first meeting. IT WILL BE SO HARD. There will be nothing easy about going to these meetings. Not only will it be nearly impossible for me to share my own story, it will be very difficult to hear the pain of other moms. A group that I hope stops growing, a group I wish I didn’t belong to.
My grief is both my worst enemy and my best friend. I really have no idea how to explain that. Imagine how you would feel if something happened to one of your children. Then, imagine how it would feel to go through life without them. How do you continue to go out with friends, rejoice over weddings or births, go to a birthday party, family reunions or even go on vacation? Your mind, no matter where you are, is on the one who is missing from all of those things. So your grief becomes your secret companion, the one who knows how you feel. I’m on this journey for the rest of my life and grief will be right there with me every step of the way, my constant companion.
Having said all of that I don’t want you to think there is no joy in my life, there certainly is. I’m cherishing every moment with my wonderful husband and my beautiful boy. What joy those two bring to me! I’ve even learned to love hearing them argue, and they certainly do. However, they are totally going through some weird male bonding ritual recently over NCAA basketball. It’s so funny, men can be so strange. :)
Anyway, I want to thank you for stopping in to check on me. As I come to your mind, please pray for me. I have a feeling I’m going to be in great need of it in the weeks and months ahead.
Still missing my girl everyday,
Julie
By the time Christy passed away the Zoloft was fully in my system. So since that time I’ve been grieving through a veil of sorts. There’s been this thin coating over my emotions. Not that I didn’t feel pain, I certainly did, just not quite as raw as it could have been. So in October of '09 I decided that it was time for me to wean myself off the Zoloft. After all, it had been a year since Christy’s death, time to stand on my own two feet. I began the cutbacks and really took my time because I didn’t want to shock my emotions. I had been taking a full pill every day so the first cutback was to 1 pill every other day and ½ pill on the opposite days. Next cutback was to ½ pill every day, then ½ pill every other day, then nothing. Each cutback was hard, it would take me a few days of weeping to realize, ‘oh yeah, I’m cutting back on my meds.’ Then I would be overly emotional for a week or so and then I would level back out. I took my last pill at the end of February and since then I can’t seem to find my “level.” I’m a mess, all the time, just a mess.
But here’s the thing, I think I need to be. I really think that God has me at this place emotionally for such a time as this. Now, I have no understanding of why now and really I don’t even care about that. I just know that this is when and where I’m supposed to be right now. And frankly, the timing couldn’t be worse! So many emotions to deal with the next couple of weeks anyway, Saturday would have been Christy and Josh’s sixth wedding anniversary and her birthday is in three weeks. I have no clue how I’m going to survive emotionally. But I know that somehow He will get me through, this time it will just be without my crutch. I’m thankful He provided me a crutch for a time but now I only have Him, as it should be for this time.
He has also placed before me the prospect of a support group. There are a group of moms who have lost children that meet once a month at Nicholasville United Methodist. I can’t go this month but next month, two weeks after Christy’s 30th birthday, I plan to attend my first meeting. IT WILL BE SO HARD. There will be nothing easy about going to these meetings. Not only will it be nearly impossible for me to share my own story, it will be very difficult to hear the pain of other moms. A group that I hope stops growing, a group I wish I didn’t belong to.
My grief is both my worst enemy and my best friend. I really have no idea how to explain that. Imagine how you would feel if something happened to one of your children. Then, imagine how it would feel to go through life without them. How do you continue to go out with friends, rejoice over weddings or births, go to a birthday party, family reunions or even go on vacation? Your mind, no matter where you are, is on the one who is missing from all of those things. So your grief becomes your secret companion, the one who knows how you feel. I’m on this journey for the rest of my life and grief will be right there with me every step of the way, my constant companion.
Having said all of that I don’t want you to think there is no joy in my life, there certainly is. I’m cherishing every moment with my wonderful husband and my beautiful boy. What joy those two bring to me! I’ve even learned to love hearing them argue, and they certainly do. However, they are totally going through some weird male bonding ritual recently over NCAA basketball. It’s so funny, men can be so strange. :)
Anyway, I want to thank you for stopping in to check on me. As I come to your mind, please pray for me. I have a feeling I’m going to be in great need of it in the weeks and months ahead.
Still missing my girl everyday,
Julie
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
The Loan
When Christy was in middle school I served on the PTO board. During that time one of the students at her school passed away. I didn’t know the family personally but one of my fellow board members did. She shared a poem with us at our first meeting following the child’s death. For some reason I kept the copy that was given to me. When Christy died I thought about that poem. All these years later I still knew exactly where I had put it. At the time I wasn’t sure why I was keeping it, but now I guess I know.
GOD'S LENT CHILD
by Edgar A. Guest
I'll lend you a for a little time
a child of mine, God said.
For you to love the while he lives
and mourn for when he's dead.
It may be six or seven years
or twenty-two or three.
But will you till I call him back
take care of him for me?
He'll bring his charms to gladden you
and shall his stay be brief.
You'll have his lovely memories
as solace for your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay
since all from earth return.
But there are lessons taught down there
I want this child to learn.
I've looked the wide world over
in my search for teachers true,
And from the throngs that crowd life's lane
I have selected you.
Now will you give him all your love,
nor think the labor vain,
Nor hate me when I come to call
to take him back again?
I fancied that I heard them say,
"Dear Lord, thy will be done,
For all the joy thy child will bring
the risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness.
we'll love him while we may.
And for the happiness we've known,
forever grateful stay.
But shall the angels call for him
much sooner than we've planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes
and try to understand."
Forever grateful that I was the one selected,
Julie
GOD'S LENT CHILD
by Edgar A. Guest
I'll lend you a for a little time
a child of mine, God said.
For you to love the while he lives
and mourn for when he's dead.
It may be six or seven years
or twenty-two or three.
But will you till I call him back
take care of him for me?
He'll bring his charms to gladden you
and shall his stay be brief.
You'll have his lovely memories
as solace for your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay
since all from earth return.
But there are lessons taught down there
I want this child to learn.
I've looked the wide world over
in my search for teachers true,
And from the throngs that crowd life's lane
I have selected you.
Now will you give him all your love,
nor think the labor vain,
Nor hate me when I come to call
to take him back again?
I fancied that I heard them say,
"Dear Lord, thy will be done,
For all the joy thy child will bring
the risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness.
we'll love him while we may.
And for the happiness we've known,
forever grateful stay.
But shall the angels call for him
much sooner than we've planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes
and try to understand."
Forever grateful that I was the one selected,
Julie
Monday, February 22, 2010
Embrace Life
A friend of mine sent me this video and I just had to share it. What a beautiful way to get out an important message. If you don't do it for yourself, do it for those who love you..........
Friday, February 5, 2010
More Music
Untitled Hymn by Chris Rice
Brian sang this at Christy’s funeral, it will forever be special to me.
Trying to find peace in the knowledge that Christy is laughing on Glory’s side,
Julie
Brian sang this at Christy’s funeral, it will forever be special to me.
Trying to find peace in the knowledge that Christy is laughing on Glory’s side,
Julie
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Honesty
The following is today’s e-mail from GriefShare. Pray for me, I seriously need to get honest with God.
Honesty with God
Yes, God already knows your every thought, emotion, and struggle, but He wants you to come to Him and admit your struggles and give Him your burdens. Let this be a daily action.
God is greater than everything you currently face and anything you will ever go through.
"You need to be honest," says Dr. Norman Peart. "You need to come and let the Lord know what's already there. You may often try to be "religious" or "Christian"—and come with a facade. In reality you're doing yourself a great disservice because He wants to reach that deepest point in your life, and it only comes when you open your life and show Him what He already knows. Just let it come, let it flow. He can deal with it."
God desires your sincere heart. What a comfort to know that you do not have to pretend with God.
"In Christ we speak before God with sincerity, like men sent from God" (2 Corinthians 2:17).
Lord of all, I want to be honest with You—no more pretending, no more holding it all in. Amen.
Still fighting the honesty,
Julie
Honesty with God
Yes, God already knows your every thought, emotion, and struggle, but He wants you to come to Him and admit your struggles and give Him your burdens. Let this be a daily action.
God is greater than everything you currently face and anything you will ever go through.
"You need to be honest," says Dr. Norman Peart. "You need to come and let the Lord know what's already there. You may often try to be "religious" or "Christian"—and come with a facade. In reality you're doing yourself a great disservice because He wants to reach that deepest point in your life, and it only comes when you open your life and show Him what He already knows. Just let it come, let it flow. He can deal with it."
God desires your sincere heart. What a comfort to know that you do not have to pretend with God.
"In Christ we speak before God with sincerity, like men sent from God" (2 Corinthians 2:17).
Lord of all, I want to be honest with You—no more pretending, no more holding it all in. Amen.
Still fighting the honesty,
Julie
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
Held
I’ve posted many times how music speaks my heart so clearly. As Chris and I were driving home from church on Sunday a familiar tune came on the radio. Now I’ve heard this song many times but this must have been the first time I’d heard it since Christy’s death. The title is Held and it's by Natalie Grant. I think God wanted me to hear it just to remind me that I’m being held.
Resting in the knowledge that I'm being held,
Julie
Resting in the knowledge that I'm being held,
Julie
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