Our tears are not for you sweetheart, we cry for ourselves.
I wanted to tell you
How closely I've kept
The memories of you in my heart
And all of the lifetimes
That we've had to share
Live even though we're apart
But don't cry for me
'cause I'm finally free
To run with the angels
On streets made of gold
To listen to stories
Of saints new and old
To worship our Maker
That's where I'll be
When you finally find me
Now don't you be weary
'cause waiting for you
Are wonders that you've never known
Just hold onto Jesus
Reach out for His hands
And one day they'll welcome you home
And that's when you'll be
Finally free
Finally free
To run with the angels
On streets made of gold
To listen to stories
Of saints new and old
To worship our Maker
That's where I'll be
When you finally find me
I wish you were here
I wish you were here
And all of the dreams that we treasure
Will soon come together
And that's when your sorrow
Will find tomorrow
And you will rise again
To run with the angels
On streets made of gold
To listen to stories
Of saints new and old
To worship our Maker
That's where I'll be
When you finally find me
I wish you were here
I wish you were here
I wish you were here...
Friday, June 26, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
God’s Plan
My life is forever changed. Will I ever get to the point where I feel ‘normal’ again? (No jokes about how I’ve never been normal, please.) Some days I’m fooled into believing I’m normal, only to have reality smack me right in the face.
This week has been really weird for me. Chris and Kyle are both gone and for the first time since Christy’s death, I’m spending the majority of my home time alone. Much time for reflection, which is good - but also very sad. I cried a lot last night, I got started and I just couldn’t stop. Finally I gave in and drove to the cemetery. For some crazy reason I feel closer to Christy there, not emotionally but physically. I got there and then didn’t want to leave.
I know that much of my emotion is probably because of the wedding planning that’s going on around me. Josh is getting married! I’m guessing that this is a shock to a few of you. He started dating Kristen Lucas a couple of months ago. It didn’t take them long to realize that God was giving them the gift of love. They knew they wanted to be married but they were in no hurry. They planned to wait until after October to get engaged, and then marry sometime next year. But God has a different plan for them. Kristen’s mom, Lannie, has been courageously battling cancer for a year or so. On Friday, June 5th, the doctor gave the Lucas family some very devastating news; medically there is nothing more they can do for Lannie. Lannie has a strong faith in God and is very confident that He can heal her, and we are praying daily that He will. However, Josh and Kristen can’t imagine having a wedding without Lannie, and though they certainly have faith, they also have no clue what God’s plans are for Lannie. So, they’ve decided to move up their wedding. They will be getting married in September.
I’m very happy that Josh has found love again. And if I could have hand picked a girl for Josh, it would be Kristen. She is truly a beautiful and wonderful woman of God. I know they will have a happy life together.
Please don’t think, for even one second, that I’m sad because of what they have. My sadness comes from what I’ve lost. And yet, I am very blessed. I have a husband who loves me more than I can understand. I have a beautiful, loving son who is becoming the man I always prayed he would be. And though I know that our relationship is bound to take on a new face, I have a son-in-law that I love deeply. I just flat out miss Christy so much it hurts. Before October 11th I never knew a persons heart could literally hurt. Now I not only know it, I live with it every single day.
So please join me in praying for the happiness and prosperity of this beautiful couple that God has brought together. Pray also for Lannie, pray that God will bring about total and complete healing to her body. Pray for Kyle as he continues to grieve the loss of his sister, his confidant. Pray for Chris, he loves my kids and the loss of Christy has been very hard for him too. Pray for my dear friend Lori, it seems as though much of her grief has been delayed, probably because she’s been too focused on my grief to worry about her own. And lastly, please continue to pray for me. My girl is gone and every day that I live without her is a struggle. I feel like Job when he said, "Remember, O God, that my life is but a breath; my eyes will never see happiness again" (7:7). But when we read the end of the book of Job, we find that God had something very good in store for him, pray that I can hold on to that hope.
I receive an email daily from an organization called GriefShare, yesterdays e-mail ended with the following prayer. It sums up my feelings perfectly.
Lord, I'm going to walk this journey by faith because what I feel and see sure isn't helping. Amen.
Surviving every day one minute at a time,
Julie
This week has been really weird for me. Chris and Kyle are both gone and for the first time since Christy’s death, I’m spending the majority of my home time alone. Much time for reflection, which is good - but also very sad. I cried a lot last night, I got started and I just couldn’t stop. Finally I gave in and drove to the cemetery. For some crazy reason I feel closer to Christy there, not emotionally but physically. I got there and then didn’t want to leave.
I know that much of my emotion is probably because of the wedding planning that’s going on around me. Josh is getting married! I’m guessing that this is a shock to a few of you. He started dating Kristen Lucas a couple of months ago. It didn’t take them long to realize that God was giving them the gift of love. They knew they wanted to be married but they were in no hurry. They planned to wait until after October to get engaged, and then marry sometime next year. But God has a different plan for them. Kristen’s mom, Lannie, has been courageously battling cancer for a year or so. On Friday, June 5th, the doctor gave the Lucas family some very devastating news; medically there is nothing more they can do for Lannie. Lannie has a strong faith in God and is very confident that He can heal her, and we are praying daily that He will. However, Josh and Kristen can’t imagine having a wedding without Lannie, and though they certainly have faith, they also have no clue what God’s plans are for Lannie. So, they’ve decided to move up their wedding. They will be getting married in September.
I’m very happy that Josh has found love again. And if I could have hand picked a girl for Josh, it would be Kristen. She is truly a beautiful and wonderful woman of God. I know they will have a happy life together.
Please don’t think, for even one second, that I’m sad because of what they have. My sadness comes from what I’ve lost. And yet, I am very blessed. I have a husband who loves me more than I can understand. I have a beautiful, loving son who is becoming the man I always prayed he would be. And though I know that our relationship is bound to take on a new face, I have a son-in-law that I love deeply. I just flat out miss Christy so much it hurts. Before October 11th I never knew a persons heart could literally hurt. Now I not only know it, I live with it every single day.
So please join me in praying for the happiness and prosperity of this beautiful couple that God has brought together. Pray also for Lannie, pray that God will bring about total and complete healing to her body. Pray for Kyle as he continues to grieve the loss of his sister, his confidant. Pray for Chris, he loves my kids and the loss of Christy has been very hard for him too. Pray for my dear friend Lori, it seems as though much of her grief has been delayed, probably because she’s been too focused on my grief to worry about her own. And lastly, please continue to pray for me. My girl is gone and every day that I live without her is a struggle. I feel like Job when he said, "Remember, O God, that my life is but a breath; my eyes will never see happiness again" (7:7). But when we read the end of the book of Job, we find that God had something very good in store for him, pray that I can hold on to that hope.
I receive an email daily from an organization called GriefShare, yesterdays e-mail ended with the following prayer. It sums up my feelings perfectly.
Lord, I'm going to walk this journey by faith because what I feel and see sure isn't helping. Amen.
Surviving every day one minute at a time,
Julie
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