The day started out normal, so normal that I don’t really remember much about it until you called. “I’m sick.” Simple words but I knew in your voice that something was wrong, the sound of your voice gave me an uneasy feeling. I knew that Josh had to be gone that day so I simply got ready and Chris and I left to go stay with you.
When we got there you were feeling really bad, not throwing up but you had the dry heaves, not pleasant. You were cold one minute and then a wave of nausea would come over you and you would get hot. You sat in the recliner most of the afternoon while Chris and I were on the sofa. I even dozed off while you slept a little. Oh if I had known then what I know now I would never have slept. I would have spent that afternoon telling you how much I love you. I know that you know how much I love you but still, I would have used those last hours to tell you again, over and over.
You asked me to help you to the bed because you were cold, when I did you asked me what was wrong with you. I’m guessing now that you knew something was really wrong but you didn’t know what it was. When Josh got home I took your temperature, it was really low 91.something. Thinking that the thermometer must be wrong I took it again, 92.something. Josh stuck it in his mouth to make sure it was working, his temp was 98.6 so we took yours again, 97.8. Okay, now the thing is working. I think it was working every time. Why didn’t we realize that then?
I decided you probably wouldn’t be able to go to church the next day so I told you I would come back the next morning. You said okay, I told you I loved you. You told me you loved me and we left. Why did we leave? Those were the last words that you and I would ever speak to each other. Why didn’t I stay with you that night?
Shortly after we got home Josh called us and told us that you were cold all over and that your lips were turning blue and you were unresponsive, he had called 911. They were taking you to Harrison Memorial. We left immediately for the one hour drive. I drove the car, as we were heading up Nicholasville Road I looked over at Chris, his head was bowed and I knew he was praying for you. As we sat at the light on Nicholasville at New Circle I asked Chris to pray out loud so that I could hear him, he did but somehow at that point I knew you were going to leave us. My heart started hurting, badly.
When we finally got to the hospital Anita was sitting on a bench out front, she was trying so hard to be strong but I could see her love for you streaming down her face. I looked at her and said, “She didn’t make it, did she?” Anita couldn’t answer me.
After a little confusion we finally got to Josh, he was a total mess. He was sobbing uncontrollably, he loves you so much. I’ve always known this but that night I realized it more than I ever had. We were all so very upset, no way could this be true. You were fine the night before. I had been there and we had dinner together, talking and laughing. How could this be real?
Almost everyone from your church came to the hospital that night. We had to call Jim and ask him to go over and tell Kyle, he then brought Kyle to us. Kyle and Josh stood there in that little room wrapped in each others arms crying, hurting. I was numb. I could hear Chris out in the hallway making phone calls, crying the whole time. I also realized that night how much he loves you.
After several hours they asked us if we wanted to see you. So the four of us walked back to the room where your beautiful body lay. Josh lay across your chest begging you to wake up. Then he stepped away and just bawled, as did Chris and Kyle. I just stood there looking at you. You looked like you were asleep, so peaceful and beautiful. I kissed you and told you I loved you. I should have stayed there until they came for you, but for some reason I didn’t.
We left around 2:30 am and went to your house. Josh had asked me to pick out a dress to bury you in, but he already knew which one he wanted. Your favorite purple dress with the little sweater, it was perfect. As I stood there and looked around I could see you everywhere. Oh how I miss you.
When we got back home Daddy, Robbie, Barbara, Phillip and Dianne came over. We all cried and then cried again as Chris read to them your Note of Reflection. Thank you so much for leaving us with that, it has brought us so much comfort. Isn’t that just like you, making sure we were all taken care of before you left us. We miss you terribly.
Josh said that every time you guys went to a funeral visitation that you told him you wanted your casket to be closed. Well, we sort of did that. We closed it before the visitation but we wanted the family to be able to say good-bye, so we all spent one last time with you. Jim and Lori were there too, they love you so much. Poor papaw just couldn’t see his Christy Lea like that, so he didn’t come until the visitation started. You looked beautiful in your purple dress. The casket spray was beautiful too, purple roses with white calla lilies, your favorite. We tried to find the purple ones like you used for your wedding, but those had to be special ordered so we settled on the white ones.
More than 600 people came to your visitation. Everyone said such wonderful things about you. Some of your teachers from school were there, kids you went to school with, AOII sisters, Julie and Dr. Thompson from Transy, most of your doctors. All of your family and friends. Dr Neal came, I could hardly talk to him. I’m so appreciative of the way he cared for and loved you.
We had your funeral at Mt. Freedom. It seemed like the right thing to do. You grew up in that church, you came to know the Lord there, you were baptized there, and you met and married your Prince Charming there. Your funeral was simply beautiful, worshipful. Andrea read scripture, David said a prayer. Christel and Brian both sang. Paul Chitwood read your Note of Reflection while everyone cried. Then they played Geoff Moore’s “It’s good to be alive.” We cried some more. Joe delivered your eulogy. He made us all laugh and cry, it was beautiful.
We went to the cemetery and said our last good-byes. You are buried there very near to my momma, Chris and I will one day be there with you.
It’s been eleven days now and I can’t tell you how much I miss you and how my heart hurts for you. I want to touch you, to smell you, to kiss you again. I have a very simple message from you on the answering machine, every now and then when I want to hear your voice I push play, it brings me comfort. Even though I miss you so much it hurts I wouldn’t wish you back from your new body, from being in the presence of the Lord. I know that some day I will be there with you, that hope is what gets me through each hour of each day.
I love you my sweet baby girl.
Mom
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
In Her Own Words.........
A Note of Reflection...
Tuesday, October 7, 2008 at 11:41pm
Dear readers -
As many of you know by this point, the last two months have been some of the most difficult days of my life. But, I cannot simply walk away from these days now that I am almost completely better without reflecting on what I have learned - or was just reminded of:
1.) Christ is in me and I am in Him. I simply would not have gotten through this ordeal and be this joyful on the other side of it apart from this truth.
2.) God has revealed His love for me not only by sending His one and only Son to die for my sins - which absolutely was enough - but continues to reveal this love everyday through my family, my friends and even my doctors:
- My husband, Josh, is my husband for a reason. I firmly believe now more than ever that he was selected especially for me by our Heavenly Father. Josh has lived out the vows he spoke to me on the day we were married 4 1/2 years ago in a way that I didn't even know was possible. He has prayed for me, loved me unconditionally, been there at every moment I needed him there, taken care of my physical needs, helped me to understand and deal with my emotional needs and has done his best to keep me smiling and laughing through it all. I pray he always knows how true my love is for him and how grateful I am for the love he shows to me every single day. I am quite the lucky girl!
- My mom, Julie, is my mom for a reason. I also firmly believe now more than ever that she was also selected especially for me by our Heavenly Father - just as Mary was chosen to be the mother of Jesus. God knew even before I was created that I would need a very special mother - and boy did he pick the right one! My mom has helped me clear every hurdle I have ever faced in my life. Some we jumped and cleared without difficulty and some we jumped, smacked into the hurdle and fell down. But anytime we fell, we fell together. And everytime we fell together she was always there to pick me up. My mom has also prayed for me, loved me with a love I cannot even understand, been there every time I have called for her, taken care of my physical needs and has cried with and for me. I pray she always knows how strong my love is for her. She is truly my best friend.
- Kyle, my brother, and Chris, my stepdad, are also in my life for a reason - they make me laugh! God knew I would need that from time to time :0) Anytime I feel like there is no smile left in me, one of them ALWAYS proves me wrong. I love my brother more than he probably knows and I know he loves me. I am happy that God has bonded us strongly together as brother and sister and enjoy the times we get to spend together. I also love my stepdad. God brought him into our lives over 10 years ago and I know we needed him as much as he needed us. We have grown a lot as a family over the years and I am happy to have the relationship that I have with him today. I pray it grows even stronger as the years continue to go by and as we all continue to learn and grow in Christ.
- My friends - way too numerous to count or list! God has given me great friends from all over the world. My friends have prayed for me, visited me, cared for me and have made themselves available to meet my needs even when it wasn't convenient for them. I pray that I can truly express my gratitude and return the love they have so generously poured out on me.
- My doctors - Dr. Jeffrey Neal, Dr. Paul Nichols, Dr. John Harrison, Dr. Charles Rose and others I'm sure I'm forgetting (or don't even remember that have taken care of me). God has put together such an amazing group of doctors for me and they have come together to treat me in the best way they possibly can. These doctors, the ones whose names I listed in particular, have a love for me that I don't understand - I'm just their patient - but I feel it each time I have a conversation with any of them. I am so thankful for their care and concern and feel truly confident and blessed that God carefully selected each one of them for me.
3.) In the words of Geoff Moore - "It's good to be alive." I came as close to dying as I think I ever have and although I am confident of where I am going when I do - the fact that I didn't means that God still has work for me to do here on Earth. What that is...I have no idea. I know a good part of it is to continue in ministry with Josh and spread His word. But, I feel like there is more. What? Not sure. But when I figure it out I'll sure let you know. And, maybe I'll never know. That's OK. I plan to live my days learning and growing as much as I possibly can and living each day as if it were my last. August 5th, 2008 could have been that last day. It wasn't and I am grateful for that. I now have a perspective on life that I have never had. It was a wonderful lesson to learn.
Love to all,
Christy
Tuesday, October 7, 2008 at 11:41pm
Dear readers -
As many of you know by this point, the last two months have been some of the most difficult days of my life. But, I cannot simply walk away from these days now that I am almost completely better without reflecting on what I have learned - or was just reminded of:
1.) Christ is in me and I am in Him. I simply would not have gotten through this ordeal and be this joyful on the other side of it apart from this truth.
2.) God has revealed His love for me not only by sending His one and only Son to die for my sins - which absolutely was enough - but continues to reveal this love everyday through my family, my friends and even my doctors:
- My husband, Josh, is my husband for a reason. I firmly believe now more than ever that he was selected especially for me by our Heavenly Father. Josh has lived out the vows he spoke to me on the day we were married 4 1/2 years ago in a way that I didn't even know was possible. He has prayed for me, loved me unconditionally, been there at every moment I needed him there, taken care of my physical needs, helped me to understand and deal with my emotional needs and has done his best to keep me smiling and laughing through it all. I pray he always knows how true my love is for him and how grateful I am for the love he shows to me every single day. I am quite the lucky girl!
- My mom, Julie, is my mom for a reason. I also firmly believe now more than ever that she was also selected especially for me by our Heavenly Father - just as Mary was chosen to be the mother of Jesus. God knew even before I was created that I would need a very special mother - and boy did he pick the right one! My mom has helped me clear every hurdle I have ever faced in my life. Some we jumped and cleared without difficulty and some we jumped, smacked into the hurdle and fell down. But anytime we fell, we fell together. And everytime we fell together she was always there to pick me up. My mom has also prayed for me, loved me with a love I cannot even understand, been there every time I have called for her, taken care of my physical needs and has cried with and for me. I pray she always knows how strong my love is for her. She is truly my best friend.
- Kyle, my brother, and Chris, my stepdad, are also in my life for a reason - they make me laugh! God knew I would need that from time to time :0) Anytime I feel like there is no smile left in me, one of them ALWAYS proves me wrong. I love my brother more than he probably knows and I know he loves me. I am happy that God has bonded us strongly together as brother and sister and enjoy the times we get to spend together. I also love my stepdad. God brought him into our lives over 10 years ago and I know we needed him as much as he needed us. We have grown a lot as a family over the years and I am happy to have the relationship that I have with him today. I pray it grows even stronger as the years continue to go by and as we all continue to learn and grow in Christ.
- My friends - way too numerous to count or list! God has given me great friends from all over the world. My friends have prayed for me, visited me, cared for me and have made themselves available to meet my needs even when it wasn't convenient for them. I pray that I can truly express my gratitude and return the love they have so generously poured out on me.
- My doctors - Dr. Jeffrey Neal, Dr. Paul Nichols, Dr. John Harrison, Dr. Charles Rose and others I'm sure I'm forgetting (or don't even remember that have taken care of me). God has put together such an amazing group of doctors for me and they have come together to treat me in the best way they possibly can. These doctors, the ones whose names I listed in particular, have a love for me that I don't understand - I'm just their patient - but I feel it each time I have a conversation with any of them. I am so thankful for their care and concern and feel truly confident and blessed that God carefully selected each one of them for me.
3.) In the words of Geoff Moore - "It's good to be alive." I came as close to dying as I think I ever have and although I am confident of where I am going when I do - the fact that I didn't means that God still has work for me to do here on Earth. What that is...I have no idea. I know a good part of it is to continue in ministry with Josh and spread His word. But, I feel like there is more. What? Not sure. But when I figure it out I'll sure let you know. And, maybe I'll never know. That's OK. I plan to live my days learning and growing as much as I possibly can and living each day as if it were my last. August 5th, 2008 could have been that last day. It wasn't and I am grateful for that. I now have a perspective on life that I have never had. It was a wonderful lesson to learn.
Love to all,
Christy
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