Christy,

The day started out normal, so normal that I don’t really remember much about it until you called. “I’m sick.” Simple words but I knew in your voice that something was wrong, the sound of your voice gave me an uneasy feeling. I knew that Josh had to be gone that day so I simply got ready and Chris and I left to go stay with you.

When we got there you were feeling really bad, not throwing up but you had the dry heaves, not pleasant. You were cold one minute and then a wave of nausea would come over you and you would get hot. You sat in the recliner most of the afternoon while Chris and I were on the sofa. I even dozed off while you slept a little. Oh if I had known then what I know now I would never have slept. I would have spent that afternoon telling you how much I love you. I know that you know how much I love you but still, I would have used those last hours to tell you again, over and over.

You asked me to help you to the bed because you were cold, when I did you asked me what was wrong with you. I’m guessing now that you knew something was really wrong but you didn’t know what it was. When Josh got home I took your temperature, it was really low 91.something. Thinking that the thermometer must be wrong I took it again, 92.something. Josh stuck it in his mouth to make sure it was working, his temp was 98.6 so we took yours again, 97.8. Okay, now the thing is working. I think it was working every time. Why didn’t we realize that then?

I decided you probably wouldn’t be able to go to church the next day so I told you I would come back the next morning. You said okay, I told you I loved you. You told me you loved me and we left. Why did we leave? Those were the last words that you and I would ever speak to each other. Why didn’t I stay with you that night?

Shortly after we got home Josh called us and told us that you were cold all over and that your lips were turning blue and you were unresponsive, he had called 911. They were taking you to Harrison Memorial. We left immediately for the one hour drive. I drove the car, as we were heading up Nicholasville Road I looked over at Chris, his head was bowed and I knew he was praying for you. As we sat at the light on Nicholasville at New Circle I asked Chris to pray out loud so that I could hear him, he did but somehow at that point I knew you were going to leave us. My heart started hurting, badly.

When we finally got to the hospital Anita was sitting on a bench out front, she was trying so hard to be strong but I could see her love for you streaming down her face. I looked at her and said, “She didn’t make it, did she?” Anita couldn’t answer me.

After a little confusion we finally got to Josh, he was a total mess. He was sobbing uncontrollably, he loves you so much. I’ve always known this but that night I realized it more than I ever had. We were all so very upset, no way could this be true. You were fine the night before. I had been there and we had dinner together, talking and laughing. How could this be real?

Almost everyone from your church came to the hospital that night. We had to call Jim and ask him to go over and tell Kyle, he then brought Kyle to us. Kyle and Josh stood there in that little room wrapped in each others arms crying, hurting. I was numb. I could hear Chris out in the hallway making phone calls, crying the whole time. I also realized that night how much he loves you.

After several hours they asked us if we wanted to see you. So the four of us walked back to the room where your beautiful body lay. Josh lay across your chest begging you to wake up. Then he stepped away and just bawled, as did Chris and Kyle. I just stood there looking at you. You looked like you were asleep, so peaceful and beautiful. I kissed you and told you I loved you. I should have stayed there until they came for you, but for some reason I didn’t.

We left around 2:30 am and went to your house. Josh had asked me to pick out a dress to bury you in, but he already knew which one he wanted. Your favorite purple dress with the little sweater, it was perfect. As I stood there and looked around I could see you everywhere. Oh how I miss you.

When we got back home Daddy, Robbie, Barbara, Phillip and Dianne came over. We all cried and then cried again as Chris read to them your Note of Reflection. Thank you so much for leaving us with that, it has brought us so much comfort. Isn’t that just like you, making sure we were all taken care of before you left us. We miss you terribly.

Josh said that every time you guys went to a funeral visitation that you told him you wanted your casket to be closed. Well, we sort of did that. We closed it before the visitation but we wanted the family to be able to say good-bye, so we all spent one last time with you. Jim and Lori were there too, they love you so much. Poor papaw just couldn’t see his Christy Lea like that, so he didn’t come until the visitation started. You looked beautiful in your purple dress. The casket spray was beautiful too, purple roses with white calla lilies, your favorite. We tried to find the purple ones like you used for your wedding, but those had to be special ordered so we settled on the white ones.

More than 600 people came to your visitation. Everyone said such wonderful things about you. Some of your teachers from school were there, kids you went to school with, AOII sisters, Julie and Dr. Thompson from Transy, most of your doctors. All of your family and friends. Dr Neal came, I could hardly talk to him. I’m so appreciative of the way he cared for and loved you.

We had your funeral at Mt. Freedom. It seemed like the right thing to do. You grew up in that church, you came to know the Lord there, you were baptized there, and you met and married your Prince Charming there. Your funeral was simply beautiful, worshipful. Andrea read scripture, David said a prayer. Christel and Brian both sang. Paul Chitwood read your Note of Reflection while everyone cried. Then they played Geoff Moore’s “It’s good to be alive.” We cried some more. Joe delivered your eulogy. He made us all laugh and cry, it was beautiful.

We went to the cemetery and said our last good-byes. You are buried there very near to my momma, Chris and I will one day be there with you.

It’s been eleven days now and I can’t tell you how much I miss you and how my heart hurts for you. I want to touch you, to smell you, to kiss you again. I have a very simple message from you on the answering machine, every now and then when I want to hear your voice I push play, it brings me comfort. Even though I miss you so much it hurts I wouldn’t wish you back from your new body, from being in the presence of the Lord. I know that some day I will be there with you, that hope is what gets me through each hour of each day.

I love you my sweet baby girl.

Mom