Getting By

That’s what I’m doing. Many people have asked me how the holidays were for our family. My answer - both good and bad. On Christmas Eve my family (the Coopers) came over early in the day and we had an enjoyable time, as soon as they all left we headed off to church. That was pretty hard, Josh was with us and of course Christy should have been. Then when we left there it was off to Jim and Lori’s for their open house, which was also sort of okay for me.

Then we went home, this is when things began to fall apart for me. For the past several years we have opened our gifts on Christmas Eve after the Barkley’s shindig. This year when we all got home and declared it was time to open presents Josh said, “Okay, everybody take your normal places.” That’s when it hit me. Every year each of us always sat in the same spot to open our gifts, I’d never realized that before. But as Christy’s spot on the couch next to Josh sat empty, my heart began to cry. You see, she would have been the one sitting there ready to wet her pants with excitement. Not for the items in the packages, but for the love that went into selecting each item for each person. Her excitement was always more for the gifts she had carefully and thoughtfully selected for each one of us, rather than for the ones she received. But once we got into the opening and laughing it got a little better.

Christmas Day was pretty hard too, there was definitely an absence hanging in the air. Josh went off to have breakfast with the Price family, which I’m sure was terribly difficult for him. We slept in then got up and readied for Christmas pizza with the Barkley’s. Once Jim, Lori and the girls got there so did the very obvious absence. We opened gifts again. Christy had actually purchased two Christmas gifts prior to her death, one lovingly chosen for Lori the other for Brynn. It was so hard to see Brynn open her package knowing that Christy had chosen it but she wasn’t there to see Brynn’s sweet little face as she opened it. We had actually given Lori’s to her just after Christy’s passing, which I’m so thankful for because our precious Lori would have cried her eyes out opening the gift Christy had herself selected, which would not have been good for me. Then Josh, Lori and I went to the cemetery in the afternoon. Not exactly how I wanted to spend Christmas with my daughter.

We went to the senior Wells house that evening for more gift exchange and more obvious absence. Then thankfully, Christmas was over! However, my major breakdown came the next day while showering. I started crying the minute I stepped into the shower and just could not get a grip, it was the biggest breakdown I’ve had to date.

Today, I’m back at work and hopefully things will get back to........ whatever, I can’t say normal anymore – life will never be normal for me again.

Thanks for checking up on us. Keep praying, we keep needing it. I will do a post later this week about Christy’s Stocking.

Love,
Julie