Animals

We have two, one cat, one dog. The cat came first. We got Max just a few months after Chris and I got married. He was my Mother’s Day present to me. I’ve (half) jokingly called Max the spawn of Satan, it’s really kind of true. I’m thinking, regardless of the fact that he’s male, we should have named him Sybil. He can be all lovely and rubbing on you one minute with his motor running as loud as can be, that’s what we call it when he’s purring, then WHAM, your butt is bit. Just out of nowhere he turns on you, bites you hard and takes off like a streak of lightning. Why in the world are cats like that? I love Max, I really do, but sometimes I just want to toss him out the back door - forever. He HATES the dog and occasionally he tells us how much he hates the dog. Jack just loves Max and will run up to him wanting to play, he’s got his head bobbing and his tail waggin and Max will look at one of us and just meow the loudest meanest meow you’ve ever heard, it sounds like maybe he’s being skinned alive, it’s an evil sound! Does this faze Jack in the least? Not for one single second. The little clueless one just keeps on until the cat can’t take any more and gives up and runs to hide. Max is nine years old but he can still jump up to the top on my kitchen cabinets, it’s one of his favorite places to sleep but it also works well for getting away from that darn dog. But having said all of that, you can’t find a better bed buddy! He loves it when one of his people takes a nap, it’s his heaven. He’ll jump up on the bed with you and the minute you find your position he finds his and DO NOT attempt to move him. He will lay there and sleep with you for as long as you stay in the bed, he’s never ready for a nap to end. He snores too, which totally cracks me up.

We’ve had Jack for almost two years. Now, I never once thought that I could love a dog the way I love my Jackie. Oh, I’m an animal lover and I knew I would love him. But I LOVE this dog, I’m a crazy sappy nut over a dog! Who would have ever thought it? Kyle practically came out of the womb begging for a dog and I held firm for 19 years, but in a weak moment I caved. And once I caved Chris was sucked in too. So after signing a 26 point contract (which by the way is totally useless – not even worth the paper it was written on) Kyle bought and brought home our Jackie. I fell in love the minute he walked in the door holding that sweet little puppy. Chris and I walk Jack every day (I’ll copy the contract for you at the bottom of my post so you can see how many of the stupid rules we break.) Lori says that Jack has little man syndrome, which at first was funny to me but I didn’t really believe it. Well Lori is so right. We were walking through our neighborhood last night when out of no where comes this huge great dane. Jack is a sheltie and a small one at that, he only weighs 14 pounds (Max weighs 18). Chris screams at me to pick him up, which I promptly did, and in that very second I’m covered in great dane. Now it sort of seems like this horse, I mean dog, just wants to visit with Jack but since I could look this animal in the eye without bending over, we couldn’t take any chances. Chris and I have little man sandwiched between us trying our best to keep the volkswagen sized head of the great dane away from him, this massive creature could have swallowed Jack in one bite. Chris is screaming at the great dane, I’m screaming at the little man – who at this point sounds like he’s gonna have great dane for a snack – when the big dog’s owner comes running out his front door. “Oh, he won’t hurt you.” I’m looking face to face with a dog that’s as tall as me while holding a dog that thinks he’s some sort of mini cujo and this total stranger is telling me I’m not gonna get hurt. Sure buddy! But obviously great dane sees his dad coming and knows he’s going back inside so he takes off faster than Big Brown did in the Derby. So we keep on going and I finally sat Jack down and he promptly pooped. I guess that big monster scared him more than he was willing to let on.

Animal ownership can be hazardous – your cat could bite you, another dog may eat you up while trying to eat your dog – but we love our guys and we wouldn’t trade them for anything.

Here’s a copy of my worthless contract……………


Rules for dog ownership

A seven day eviction notice will be given to the dog if the following rules are not strictly followed. Finding a new home for the dog will be the responsibility of its owner, Kyle Adams.

The dog shall be the sole responsibility of Kyle.
The dog shall be crate trained and kept in the crate when there are no humans at home.
The dog’s crate shall be kept in Kyle’s bedroom at all times.
Any doggie mess, urine and fecal matter, will be cleaned up by Kyle as soon as possible after said mess has been made. This is to include both indoor and outdoor messes.
Mom and Chris will baby-sit when arrangements are made well in advance, no dropping off of granddog at the spur of a moment.
The dog must attend and graduate obedience school at earliest recommended age.
Kyle is responsible for feeding and watering the dog.
Kyle is responsible for walking the dog. If the dog wants to be walked and Kyle’s lazy butt is in the bed, Kyle WILL get up and walk the dog without complaint.
Financial matters relating to the dog are solely Kyle’s responsibility, including but not limited to veterinarian bills.
During inclement weather the dog’s feet must be cleaned upon re-entering the home.
When the dog stinks, Kyle will bathe the dog as soon as Mom says the dog stinks.
If carpet (or other flooring) is soiled by dog, Kyle will clean, have cleaned, or replace said carpet or flooring.
Kyle is responsible for replacing anything the dog destroys by chewing or scratching.
Dog will be allowed to move from the home with Kyle regardless of how much Mom or Chris cries.
If the dog shows repeated aggressive behavior, dog will be served a seven day eviction notice.
Dog will be taught not to jump on people.
Dog will not be fed from the table!!!!!!!
Dog will only be fed dog food.
The dog will be taught to stay outside for lengthy periods of time.
The dog is NOT allowed on any furniture, the ONLY exception will be Kyle’s bed.
Whenever possible, dog will go with Kyle for overnight visits from home.
During family vacations, or other times the entire family will be away from home, Kyle will make arrangements for dog to stay elsewhere to be cared for.
Dog can not be named after any Star Wars character.
Until yard is fenced, dog will be kept on a chain with a grounded stake while unattended outside.
Every effort will be made to teach dog not to bark while outdoors.
Kyle will keep his room clean to mom’s standards for the life of the dog.