I have major anxiety. It’s not anything new, I’ve had it for years. However, it’s reached an all time high since Christy’s death. Most times I can deal with it, rationalize with myself that it’s my anxiety and not a heart attack (or whatever else I decide the problem is). Lately I haven’t been dealing with it so well. I’m currently doing a Bible study titled No Other Gods by Kelly Minter. I just love Kelly’s writing style. This study is about idol worship, not the kind of idol that looks like a nearly naked fat man, but the idols we build for ourselves every day. For instance, an idol could be our home, our car, our boat, food, even our husband or our children. It’s odd how we can take something good and make it into an idol by worshipping it above God.
When I cracked open my study book this morning and got to work, God revealed something new to me. I’m starving to death for a food that I don’t have – the food of peace. I have made my anxiety my idol and in doing so have robbed myself of God’s peace. Why in the world would I do this to myself? I think it’s because I’ve pushed God aside. I’ve stopped finding my joy in Him. I feel like He took away something that was so precious to me that I can’t really trust him anymore. (Please know that what I “feel” and what I know to be truth are two very different things, it’s just hard to convince my heart of the truth sometimes.) I love God. I know who He is and I know who I am in Him. I just don’t trust him. I trust that He will do His will, it’s just that my will and his are sometimes very different. That’s where the problem is. I desperately need to take the focus off of myself and put it fully and completely on Him. My will is nothing! His will is everything! If my focus is on Him, then my will and His will will be more the same. (I hope that makes some sense with all those wills in there.) Not that I will always understand His will, for as long as I’m on this earth that just won’t happen. But, I can better accept it if my focus is on Him.
Please pray for me as I try to get the focus off me and on Him. It’s going to be a process and something that won’t happen overnight but I need to be fed the food of peace. I need for God to fill me up with peace that passes all understanding. I want all of you to look at me and say, “She is filled with such peace, it must be from God.” Because we know that without Him, there really is no peace at all.
Thanks friends!
Seeking God’s peace,
Julie
3 comments:
Thank you for posting this. I can relate to what you say about being anxious, and I really appreciate your perspective about seeking God's peace. Sometimes I question God's will for my life too (for instance, why am I still single?), but He knows and chooses the best for me. It's a good reminder. Since you posted this a while ago, how are you doing now? Each day is a battle, right? So is today a "more trusting" or "more doubting" day?
Christel,
I'm suffering from writer's block, I guess. I've got so many exciting things to blog about, like a beautiful new baby, but when I try the words just won't come. I'm doing much better these days, I think working on my prayer life has helped a lot. Thanks so much for still checking in on me. I love you and miss you so much. Every Wednesday when we get our prayer request sheet and I see your name on there, it makes me sad that we only get to see you once a year. Praying for you sweet, and asking God to fill your heart with peace and your life with joy.
Blessings!
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