Three Years

On October 11, 2008 at 8:45 p.m. Christy left her earthly home to enter her eternal home. It’s been three years. It’s been three years. Really? Three years. Sometimes I feel like I’ve lived forever with this ache in my heart. Other times, I feel like she was just here with us last week. How does time continue without her? How do I continue to breathe through the pain?

Anxiety

I have major anxiety. It’s not anything new, I’ve had it for years. However, it’s reached an all time high since Christy’s death. Most times I can deal with it, rationalize with myself that it’s my anxiety and not a heart attack (or whatever else I decide the problem is). Lately I haven’t been dealing with it so well. I’m currently doing a Bible study titled No Other Gods by Kelly Minter. I just love Kelly’s writing style. This study is about idol worship, not the kind of idol that looks like a nearly naked fat man, but the idols we build for ourselves every day. For instance, an idol could be our home, our car, our boat, food, even our husband or our children. It’s odd how we can take something good and make it into an idol by worshipping it above God.

When I cracked open my study book this morning and got to work, God revealed something new to me. I’m starving to death for a food that I don’t have – the food of peace. I have made my anxiety my idol and in doing so have robbed myself of God’s peace. Why in the world would I do this to myself? I think it’s because I’ve pushed God aside. I’ve stopped finding my joy in Him. I feel like He took away something that was so precious to me that I can’t really trust him anymore. (Please know that what I “feel” and what I know to be truth are two very different things, it’s just hard to convince my heart of the truth sometimes.) I love God. I know who He is and I know who I am in Him. I just don’t trust him. I trust that He will do His will, it’s just that my will and his are sometimes very different. That’s where the problem is. I desperately need to take the focus off of myself and put it fully and completely on Him. My will is nothing! His will is everything! If my focus is on Him, then my will and His will will be more the same. (I hope that makes some sense with all those wills in there.) Not that I will always understand His will, for as long as I’m on this earth that just won’t happen. But, I can better accept it if my focus is on Him.

Please pray for me as I try to get the focus off me and on Him. It’s going to be a process and something that won’t happen overnight but I need to be fed the food of peace. I need for God to fill me up with peace that passes all understanding. I want all of you to look at me and say, “She is filled with such peace, it must be from God.” Because we know that without Him, there really is no peace at all.

Thanks friends!

Seeking God’s peace,
Julie

Kyle

My baby boy is 24 years old today. Where does the time go?!!!!!! Kyle graduated from EKU in December with a degree in Human Resource Management. Two months after graduation he got his first job in his field, which required him to move to Paintsville. So, I thought that for the first time since his birth that I wouldn't be spending his birthday with him. But as we all know, God is good. Kyle is off today and home with us. I'm feeling very blessed.

Happy Birthday, Kyle! I love you!!!!

Birthdays

Missing my girl on what would have been her 31st birthday. It's hard to believe that it's been 31 years since God blessed me with her. I'm very thankful today for her life and for the beautiful way she lived it.

Grieving forward,
Julie

March 27, 2004

Seven years ago today was the happiest day of Christy's life. Remembering her wedding day joy and still missing her terribly.

Love Me

Someone I know needs to know this..............



Friend, I don't know who you are but I do know that He will love you!

Praying for you now,
Julie

Dealing with Death

This past Thursday an angel of the Lord came to Rupp Arena. The angel came to the men’s restroom on what is known here as the purple concourse. The angel came for one of the Lord’s own, His servant Julian Palmer. Julian started working for Lexington Center just shortly after dirt (the beginning of Rupp time). His smile and laughter graced the halls of this establishment for nearly 30 years before he decided to retire. After his retirement, Julian continued to work here for the local union group that moves in and rigs concerts. So, we’ve had the great pleasure of continuing our relationship with Julian.

Julian got up Thursday morning, like so many others, and headed to downtown Lexington. He came in, laughing, smiling and just being the wonderful man we’ve all known and loved for so long. Julian didn’t know this would be the day the Lord would call for him. He went to work just like he always did, but this day was different, this day he wasn’t feeling well so he excused himself and went to the restroom. I think the guys have determined that Joseph was the last one to see Julian alive as he walked away.

RJ was the first to notice that Julian hadn’t returned. He radioed Mike asking him to check the restroom and make sure Julian was okay. Mike went to the restroom on purple and there he found Julian’s body. The angel had already taken Julian Home. Something inside Mike knew this, but it didn’t stop him from trying to revive the man he so dearly loved. The man who had been one of his best friends for so many years. Mike radioed for help and soon there were others there trying desperately to find life in their friend. They worked hard, taking turns trying to push life back into the chest of the man they cared so deeply for. But the angel had already come for Julian, so all of their work couldn’t make a difference.

The EMT’s finally arrived and took over, loading Julian’s body onto a stretcher and whisking him away to the hospital where surely the doctors could bring life back. But the angel had already come for Julian. Julian was already Home.

The last good-byes were said to Julian at his funeral on Monday. What a beautiful, honoring service it was. I have always known that Julian was a Christ follower, but I had no clue how devoted he was to his Lord. Julian was a gentle giant - not big in physical terms, but a giant for the Lord. I know as Julian arrived in heaven and stretched out his arms to hug his Father the Lord was saying to him, “Well done, my good and faithful servant!”

The offices and hallways of Lexington Center are now filled with sorrow and tears. Men crying, trying desperately to get those last images of their beloved friend out of their heads. Somehow, life will get back to normal here. Somehow, these men will smile and laugh again. They have beautiful memories of a wonderful man to help them along the way. They will survive, but these hallways will never hear Julian’s laughter again. He will never walk through that back door with that huge smile on his face. He will be missed for years to come. He will be loved until these men draw their last breath.

My heart breaks for Mike, RJ, Joseph, Jimmy and so many others. Please join me in praying for everyone here at Rupp as we begin to heal.

Praising Him through this storm,
Julie